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Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

#21114169
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39540) - you deserved it (6997)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm - health - by Nose bleed - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after getting home from finals and finishing the semester, I had a very heartfelt reunion with my dog during which he licked me all over the face. About an hour later, my dad told me, "By the way, don't let him lick you, he has hookworms." FML

#21126684
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42458) - you deserved it (4552)

On 04/29/2014 at 10:07pm - animals - by Anon (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I met up with my group for class. We were doing some final checks on the project we've been working on all semester, when I realized something about one guy's work seemed off. I googled it and found out it's almost completely plagiarized. It's all due in the morning. FML

#21130579
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41479) - you deserved it (3741)

On 05/04/2014 at 2:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML

#21130965
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43231) - you deserved it (3667)

On 05/04/2014 at 10:58pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at the reading of my grandma's will. Apparently I was removed from it some time ago, and the £2,500 I would have gotten went to my cheating bitch of an ex-fiancée. It seems my grandma adored her, and never forgave me for "driving her away" from the family. FML

#21184361
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46042) - you deserved it (4622)

On 06/22/2014 at 4:06pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, my road rage got so out of hand that I'm now actually inclined to honk obnoxiously at my computer when it's being slow. FML

#21204164
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28966) - you deserved it (14941)

On 07/09/2014 at 4:49pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I confronted my boyfriend after he received a text with a bunch of hearts on it. After arguing, turns out it was from me. FML

#21316114
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14947) - you deserved it (37711)

On 12/12/2014 at 9:39am - misc - by well, now what - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

#21248448
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32460) - you deserved it (5769)

On 08/30/2014 at 12:40pm - misc - by liilii (man) - India (Kerala)

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she's been cheating on me for the past two months. Apparently she thought I'd take it well, because when I yelled at her for being a heartless bitch, she stuttered "S-sike!" and tried to play it off as a prank. She's acting like we're still dating. FML

#21316716
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34292) - you deserved it (2827)

On 12/13/2014 at 11:19am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML

#21312305
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33838) - you deserved it (3300)

On 12/06/2014 at 12:18am - work - by ring-a-ding-ding (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my roommate decided that because she has an oral report due, she's going to scream at the top of her lungs until she loses her voice to get out of it. It's been two hours and she refuses to stop. FML

#21252777
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39122) - you deserved it (2577)

On 09/06/2014 at 12:25am - misc - by why me? - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

#21226986
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32353) - you deserved it (15626)

On 08/01/2014 at 6:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

#21302388
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30170) - you deserved it (3329)

On 11/19/2014 at 9:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)



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