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Today, I was walking to work through a bad part of town. A man yelled something at me, but knowing what part of town I was in, I ignored him and kept walking. Two seconds later I got hit by a car. Turns out, he was trying to warn me about the car coming right towards me. FML

by lookbothways / 10/05/2010 at 8:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got fired from my job where you build teddy bears. I got fired not because I did anything wrong, just because they don't like my personality. I'd never worked with my boss, and that means all the employees that work there had a meeting about me, and all confirmed they don't like me. FML

by upsetandunjustified / 11/04/2010 at 1:19am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, in the middle of hot passionate sex with my husband, he stops and tells me he won't be able to finish until I go brush my teeth. FML

by shotdown / 11/04/2010 at 12:18am / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered my boyfriend's family approves of me, not because I'm friendly and intelligent, but because I'm an adequate addition to their gene pool. FML

by nick92 / 10/15/2010 at 12:40pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking down my very steep basement stairs when I fell and rolled all the way down but luckily I didn't hurt anything. While walking back up around the very last stair, my cat jumped out on me, causing me to roll all the way back down. FML

by catattack78 / 10/21/2010 at 10:48am / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2010 at 12:09am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I went over to welcome this new couple to our subdivision with a bottle of wine and muffins. I told them I liked what they were doing with the place, then asked them when they had moved in. They replied, "Two years ago." FML

by Anonymous / 12/14/2010 at 10:02am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter swimming. While sitting in the hot tub, my daughter pointed to the elderly man sitting across from us and mumbled something. I couldn't understand her, so I asked her to repeat it. After two more attempts, she shouted, "MOM! He has big boobs!" FML

by Lexi / 11/20/2010 at 2:07pm / Canada / Kids

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to pick me up, throw me over his shoulder and take me to the bedroom. Little did he know that he literally threw me over his shoulder, and I face-planted on the ground. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2010 at 8:04pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was online and I saw a friend that I hadn't talked to in two years come online. I IM'ed him, only for him to respond, "I haven't responded to any messages of yours in over a year. Most people would get the hint." FML

by wingless_angel_7 / 12/02/2010 at 6:43pm / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, I let my friend use my computer to download some music. Now, my computer has 6 viruses and 4 songs, all of which I hate. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 12:11pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, the highlight of my day was that the gas station I work at finally got a new mop head. FML

by khaelian / 11/11/2010 at 11:53am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I asked my wife for her computer password because my computer crashed. After minutes of begging she finally told me. Turns out that her password happens to be her ex's name. FML

by expassword / 12/16/2010 at 7:20pm / United States (Oregon) / Love