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Today, I entered a painting I'd worked on for weeks into an art competition. I won nothing. I wouldn't care so much if the guy I lost out to hadn't submitted a blank canvas and called it a "conceptual piece". FML

by thekyledavid / 08/05/2015 at 12:47pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead". FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2015 at 5:01am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I expressed my feelings to a guy I've liked for a long time. He basically turned me down because I have the same name as his mom, and dating me would be too weird. FML

by wellthen / 08/24/2015 at 5:56pm / United States / Love

Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 2:31pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was creeping on social media, I realized that literally everyone I've ever dated is either happily married, engaged, or in a relationship. My last date was at the beginning of the summer. FML

by spinster / 09/15/2015 at 10:10pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was with my girlfriend at lunch when a group of guys came over. They started calling her a whore and a bunch of other shit, so I cussed them out. Turns out she was not only cheating on me, but all the other guys too. FML

by Jgfenix / 09/21/2015 at 8:24pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I told my crush that I liked her a lot. She told me not to message her when I'm drunk. FML

by FreeTacos_ / 10/28/2015 at 1:23am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just over an hour. You win this time, questionable pork souvlaki. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2015 at 7:46pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, at a family dinner, my mom announced that my newborn brother was named after his father. His name is Kevin. My dad's name is Michael. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2015 at 3:23am / Maldives (Maale) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the bowling alley. I have short, stubby fingers, and as I looked for a bowling ball that would fit my hand properly, an old man watched me searching, and approached asking, "Is that how you are with women? Fingering them, tossing them in the gutter, and looking for another?" FML

by weldingmachine217 / 11/16/2015 at 4:47pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I was driving a little over the speed limit, when I saw a cop car waiting to join the road ahead of me. I quickly hit the brakes so they wouldn't have a payday with me. I hit the brakes too hard, lost control and almost ended up on someone's lawn. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 2:04am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I spoke to a highly recommended therapist for my special-needs child. After 45 minutes of describing our challenges, heartbreaks and other very personal information, she told me that her schedule was permanently full. But she invited me to go through the phone book to find someone else. FML

by Hi_Five / 12/03/2015 at 3:48pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, some wannabe molester actually used the "Do you know who my dad is?!" line on me as I threw him out of a club. Turns out his dad is my boss's brother. I'm now searching for a new job. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2015 at 6:11am / United States / Work