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Today, I found out my bank charged me $50 for not having any money. Way to go bank, way to go. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2015 at 9:21pm / Canada / Money

Today, I heard my boyfriend telling a female friend that his ex was so gorgeous and out of his league that it made him feel inadequate, and so he now only dates within reach. She told him he's hot enough to have anyone he wants. 30 seconds later they were tongue-deep in each other's throat. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2015 at 7:25am / Germany (Hessen) / Love

Today, I told my crush that I liked her a lot. She told me not to message her when I'm drunk. FML

by FreeTacos_ / 10/28/2015 at 1:23am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my boyfriend emotionally proposed over dinner, and I said yes. Soon after he left, he tweeted "I just fucked up...." and a few minutes later called me and claimed the proposal was a prank. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2015 at 1:04am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if you mix beer, an axe, shotgun shells and bad judgment, you get a rather expensive hospital stay. FML

Today, my brother got his very first paycheck and blew it all on weed and a godawful tattoo, whereas I have been saving steadily for three years. Yet according to mum and dad, I'm the one who is irresponsible with money, because if I was being responsible I'd have enough for my own house by now. FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2015 at 4:53pm / United States / Money

Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML

by I Know How to Pick'em / 11/16/2015 at 7:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my husband came home from a six-month business trip. When I saw him, I hugged and kissed him. My grandma started calling me a slutty whore, and told us we were a disgrace to our family, while trying to hit him with her cane. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2015 at 11:04pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was driving a little over the speed limit, when I saw a cop car waiting to join the road ahead of me. I quickly hit the brakes so they wouldn't have a payday with me. I hit the brakes too hard, lost control and almost ended up on someone's lawn. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 2:04am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my husband put on a nice suit and asked me out to dinner. When he found out I was on my period, he decided to stay home instead, since there was "no point" anymore. FML

by alexa / 12/08/2015 at 12:14pm / Germany (Bayern) / Love

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

by FueledByFate / 02/03/2016 at 11:59pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I requested a pay rise at work. They said they couldn't do it as they have to cut costs, so I resigned. They've now re-advertised my job for more money than I asked for. FML

by Anon / 01/26/2016 at 6:40am / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames) / Work

Today, despite hints, suggestions, and even blatant criticism, my coworker refuses to believe he smells like rotten donkey nuts. He says he only needs to shower once a week, and that he doesn't believe in deodorant. I volunteered to do an extra autopsy today because the morgue smells better. FML

by ragnarok1540 / 02/17/2016 at 11:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.