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Today, my dad finally met my girlfriend. Unfortunately, he was driving the ambulance that she was in, due to severe alcohol poisoning and was on the way to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. FML

by screwed / 02/07/2012 at 8:40pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, my boyfriend came over to cheer me up after I'd had a sleepless night. He thought it would be a good time to propose. Unfortunately, it coincided with me yawning. FML

by ohgodwhy / 02/10/2012 at 4:37am / United States (California) / Love

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my visibly drunk uncle stood up and denounced the minister for "preaching yer god shite where it weren't never be welcome". FML

by mel_bear_ / 03/14/2012 at 10:38am / United Kingdom (Reading) / Love

Today, I joined a dating site. The first guy it recommended is the stalker I met on the last dating site I used. FML

by thammer / 03/27/2012 at 8:25am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, my fiancé and I appeared in the paper for obtaining our marriage license. In the same column half way down his parents appeared for filing their marriage dissolution petition. FML

by Queen_Dread / 05/04/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML

by offended / 06/14/2012 at 4:11am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML

by yeyt209 / 06/10/2012 at 3:46am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I used a red-eye removal tool on one of my photos. I quickly realised how bad my acne is when the software couldn't distinguish between my eyes and cheeks. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2012 at 4:01pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having an argument with my girlfriend in front of our friends. I didn't want her to spoil my good time, so I ignored her until she disappeared. She re-appeared thirty minutes later just to throw a punch that would make Muhammad Ali jealous. Our friends' reaction? They clapped. FML

by ali / 07/03/2012 at 7:51am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the mysterious and creepy weirdo guy that continuously sends me messages on Facebook is my manager at my new job. FML

by Jessica S. / 09/06/2012 at 7:15am / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, I spent ten minutes looking for my cell phone in the dark, only to realize the light I was using was my cell phone's. FML

by unaware / 09/19/2012 at 12:14am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

by ledentist / 09/11/2012 at 10:24pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health

Today, I wore an expensive vintage blazer which I'd purchased at a market in Paris. Turns out my colleague has the exact same one, only hers is from a clearance rack at Target. FML

by arh / 08/27/2012 at 8:10pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous