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Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

#4992534
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22596) - you deserved it (6193)

On 09/02/2009 at 1:56am - intimacy - by turdburger (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

#3793812
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40167) - you deserved it (5765)

On 07/16/2009 at 3:08am - misc - by joking0303 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was walking down the street in downtown Charleston where there are a lot of horse-drawn carriage tours and I decided to pick up some litter. Some of it was in a puddle of water, but after I picked up the trash, I realized the puddle was horse urine. FML

#5953331
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21996) - you deserved it (8402)

On 10/23/2009 at 12:22am - animals - by Leash (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I got on my computer and saw my little brother had left his myspace page up with a message between him and his friend. They were talking about a plan to basically humiliate me in any way possible. It was called "Operation: Fat Cow." FML

#6029575
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30083) - you deserved it (4207)

On 10/27/2009 at 8:29pm - misc - by ilovemybrother (woman) - United States

Today, I told a lady that came into my clothing store that I thought her abstract looking necklace was pretty. She responded, "Oh... Thats actually a pipe that goes into my lung." FML

#5862542
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29319) - you deserved it (7716)

On 10/17/2009 at 4:45am - misc - by oopsjsp90 (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was walking home from my acting gig at a haunted hayride. Even after spending lots of time washing the fake blood off my hands and face, I looked like I'd murdered someone. Perhaps that's why an officer stopped me and questioned me about a stabbing that happened earlier tonight. FML

#5891401
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32998) - you deserved it (3646)

On 10/19/2009 at 2:08am - work - by worldsbestjobgonebad (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I received a three-time forwarded message which I thought would turn out to be a random chain message. Turns out my boyfriend didn't want to send me the "break-up text" himself and figured it would get to me eventually after sending it to all my best friends. FML

#5984352
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31992) - you deserved it (2093)

On 10/25/2009 at 12:36am - love - by Kalaina - Sent from mobile version

Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML

#6602015
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32306) - you deserved it (13050)

On 12/04/2009 at 5:01pm - misc - by lamed (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML

#6350445
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31012) - you deserved it (2040)

On 11/18/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by Bribri (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML

#6315427
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9675) - you deserved it (33043)

On 11/15/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I learned I have over $10,000 in debt, despite never owning a credit card. Apparently, my ex-roommate had been replying to the credit card offers I was receiving in the mail. That also explains my missing driver's license a few months back. FML

#6290019
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31406) - you deserved it (2605)

On 11/13/2009 at 5:29pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was eating at KFC when my roommate unexpectedly showed up. He asked me who I was there with, and I told him I was on a sexy date with his mom. Just then a woman 5 feet away turned around and gave me a disgusted look. Guess whose mom was in town visiting for the weekend? FML

#6379842
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10566) - you deserved it (31675)

On 11/20/2009 at 1:30pm - misc - by pchis4ever (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. FML

#6300869
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36801) - you deserved it (2441)

On 11/14/2009 at 1:38pm - love - by asthma_attacker (man) - United States (New York)



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