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Today, I went to an over-crowded grocery store. As I reached the front of a long line, I noticed that a cart had been abandoned in everybody's way. Trying to be helpful, I moved it to the side. An enormous woman then shoved me and yelled at me for "pushing her property around." FML

#20953468
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34659) - you deserved it (2945)

On 11/11/2013 at 12:17am - misc - by PainStressLife - United States (California)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML

#20970980
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40250) - you deserved it (7879)

On 11/26/2013 at 12:50am - love - by xHoho (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I got into a fight with a lawn chair. It won. FML

#20961117
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29005) - you deserved it (10798)

On 11/17/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by what_a_loner - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML

#20979319
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38030) - you deserved it (3726)

On 12/03/2013 at 12:28pm - health - by wheezy - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I covered a 10-hour shift for a sick coworker. Glad to earn some extra money for the holidays, I went to clock out. I hadn't even clocked in when I first got there at 7 am. FML

#20979925
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39279) - you deserved it (14760)

On 12/03/2013 at 11:02pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML

#20994387
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31471) - you deserved it (9184)

On 12/16/2013 at 3:52am - animals - by Ramis182 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after much debate I let my mom wax my eyebrows. Now I get to look super surprised until they grow back. FML

#21024170
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36832) - you deserved it (9189)

On 01/11/2014 at 12:49am - misc - by madib33 (woman) - United States

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

#21007541
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37168) - you deserved it (3382)

On 12/27/2013 at 7:05pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I noticed my laptop kept shutting down and the mouse cursor was all over the place, clicking on every folder. I dismantled the entire computer only to notice something in one of my USB drives: the receiver to a wireless mouse my colleague put there earlier to play a prank on me. 5ML

#21037915
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34691) - you deserved it (7457)

On 01/24/2014 at 2:16am - work - by Kenny (man) - Nigeria (Lagos)

Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML

#21054564
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31451) - you deserved it (16703)

On 02/08/2014 at 3:54pm - misc - by fuck you, dad (man) - United States (California)

Today, something ran across my foot while I was on the toilet. Hearing me scream, my husband ran in. We now have a new "pet" mouse named Jerry that I am not allowed to kill under threat of divorce. FML

Today, it was a really slow day at work. One thing lead to another, and soon enough we were all taking turns shoving each other across the office on a swivel chair. Our boss came in during my turn, and I got singled out for a verbal warning. Everyone else got off with a disapproving glare. FML

#21084165
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36411) - you deserved it (9170)

On 03/11/2014 at 5:35pm - work - by shonfyr (man) - Spain

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

#21070515
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42049) - you deserved it (5921)

On 02/24/2014 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Author (man) - United States (Florida)



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