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Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML

#20469761
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30171) - you deserved it (7516)

On 01/20/2013 at 4:36pm - misc - by megean c.l. (woman) - United States

Today, I bought myself a pair of beautiful, hand-crafted earrings with lighthouses on them. My mother was quick to point out the lighthouses look like dicks. I don't think I can ever wear them again. FML

Today, I found out my ten year old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

#20473087
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27904) - you deserved it (3698)

On 01/22/2013 at 2:00pm - animals - by What? - Australia

Today, after getting into an argument with my dad, he told me that I would make a great ex wife one day. FML

#20467602
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29976) - you deserved it (6745)

On 01/19/2013 at 8:51am - love - by Claire - United States (Maryland)

Today, my dad and his new wife got their wedding pictures done. Out of over 150 pictures, I was only in one. The family dog was in all of them. In the one picture of me, I was holding the dog's leash while he took a dump. FML

#20486408
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37689) - you deserved it (2682)

On 01/30/2013 at 4:05pm - animals - by puppydrama - United States

Today, my mother "checked in" to rehab on Facebook. The same rehab that told her to hand over her smartphone. The dumbass was smart enough to steal my phone and dumb enough to get it confiscated. FML

#20485491
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25806) - you deserved it (2413)

On 01/29/2013 at 10:18pm - health - by motherless - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked my bosses for three weeks off in July to go on a much-needed vacation. Their response was to fire me on the spot. My bosses are my aunt and uncle. FML

#20489213
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31049) - you deserved it (3547)

On 02/01/2013 at 5:13pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Romania (Cluj)

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

#20503125
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40920) - you deserved it (8181)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally told my dad about how I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. He began to recite a commercial for depression meds, but he couldn't finish because he was overwhelmed with laughter. FML

#20537428
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32265) - you deserved it (3645)

On 03/09/2013 at 9:05pm - misc - by depressed - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my son broke his hand when he and his best friend had the genius idea of punching each other in the fists as hard as they could. FML

#20520875
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27558) - you deserved it (3300)

On 02/24/2013 at 9:57pm - kids - by why the fuck would you do that - United States (Arizona)

Today, while I was studying for an exam, my younger sister came home extremely drunk and threw up all over herself and her bed. I later got grounded for not setting a better example. FML

#20525412
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33129) - you deserved it (2342)

On 02/28/2013 at 6:02am - misc - by catdog552 - United States

Today, I was on a bumpy bus ride and had to write a note, so I held my notebook against the bus window to steady my hand. An elderly woman then yelled at me, accusing me of drawing graffiti on the window. The bus driver kicked me off and I had to wait an hour in the rain for the next bus. FML

#20561950
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35179) - you deserved it (2765)

On 03/27/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by 00sasori - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, thinking I was alone at work, I did an impression of Goldar from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I turned around to find out I wasn't alone; a cute girl was staring at me, unimpressed. FML

#20582957
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28658) - you deserved it (19311)

On 04/09/2013 at 10:44pm - work - by Goldar - United States



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