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Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. The L-word is probably one of the only things I'm scared to say, so what did he do? He stared at me blankly before making a farting noise with his mouth and asking if he could go get Chicken Express for dinner. FML

by Humiliated & Heart-Broken / 07/30/2014 at 12:41am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

by Death By Parent / 07/19/2014 at 6:38pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

by whymyroomthough / 08/06/2014 at 6:18pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend canceled his plans to attend my father's wake, not even 10 minutes after he found out there won't be any alcohol on offer. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2014 at 6:19pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I received a package in the mail. It was a workout and weight-loss plan that I ordered last week. I finished an entire pizza and pint of ice-cream as I read the guidelines. FML

by retromermaid / 09/09/2014 at 8:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2014 at 3:44pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

by PickYourselfUp / 10/05/2014 at 11:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

by FueledByFate / 02/03/2016 at 11:59pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I dressed up in my nicest clothes and spent ages putting makeup on before going to a nightclub, hoping to meet someone nice. The only person who acknowledged me was a guy who yelled, "Hey, wanna fuck?! Not like anyone else would ever touch you, am I right?!" FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2014 at 11:06am / Mexico (Nuevo Leon) / Love

Today, a new fire alarm system is being installed in my building. Not only does the alarm go off incessantly, but the elevators stop running when it happens. I live on the 12th floor. FML

Today, this girl I've been talking to texted me, saying she was going to visit. Trying to be sweet, I bought her $50 worth of chocolate and a cute card. Turns out she meant to send that text to her ex. Seems like the only thing I'll get from this relationship is diabetes. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 1:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, in the men's room a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped his phone, and it fell right next to my foot. The screen was facing upward, and looked like he was taking pictures of his junk in the office toilet. FML

by Vkaz / 10/02/2014 at 2:20pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my laziness reached a whole new level when I caught myself skipping the longer FML stories to read the shorter ones. FML

by eh / 10/06/2014 at 3:12pm / Azerbaijan (Baki) / Miscellaneous