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Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML

#17606704
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34450) - you deserved it (9501)

On 08/28/2011 at 5:25pm - kids - by cjay2200 - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML

#18545148
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24436) - you deserved it (3351)

On 12/18/2011 at 2:31pm - animals - by dogh8er (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML

#16510311
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40100) - you deserved it (3575)

On 06/05/2011 at 3:00am - misc - by kyle - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

#17129735
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37662) - you deserved it (17422)

On 07/16/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by McKenna - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML

#17761729
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28677) - you deserved it (4490)

On 09/17/2011 at 12:36am - kids - by applesmama - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my ex-wife crashed my engagement party. FML

#17566039
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37222) - you deserved it (3915)

On 08/24/2011 at 4:12am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to take two buses home from a friend's house. After waiting in the cold for the second bus for 40 minutes, it finally came and I realized that I'd left my wallet on the first bus. It took me 2 hours to walk home and I was locked out because my house key is attached to my wallet. FML

#18541076
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32639) - you deserved it (7394)

On 12/18/2011 at 12:25am - misc - by Kayla (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard. When I asked him why he said, "Our cat was named Spicy and I can't stand to look at them." Our recently deceased cat's name was Dicey. FML

#17283376
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32914) - you deserved it (3189)

On 07/28/2011 at 2:18am - animals - by Tali (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML

#18208343
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25854) - you deserved it (5840)

On 11/10/2011 at 6:16am - misc - by Sack - United Kingdom

Today, my parents came to visit me. I bought boxers and cologne to make it look like I had a man here. I've been single since I moved away. FML

#17866876
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12193) - you deserved it (26884)

On 09/29/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML

#18959231
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24978) - you deserved it (4158)

On 01/31/2012 at 6:07am - health - by Arielle (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML

#19312458
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6496) - you deserved it (31803)

On 03/20/2012 at 4:16am - misc - by argh (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancée informed me she'd invited her ex-husband to our wedding at her parents' request. FML

#19480512
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26057) - you deserved it (2013)

On 04/16/2012 at 8:57pm - love - by Tony (man) - United States



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