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Today, I found my son trying to comb his hair with scissors. He's the same kid who thought that if he ate toothpaste, he would never have to brush his teeth again. FML

by berryjones11024 / 09/14/2014 at 10:35am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend. He said it was because he lived 2 hours away, but I think the ultrasound photos his other girlfriend posted proudly on his Facebook wall are the real reason. FML

by kitkat / 09/17/2014 at 3:48pm / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

by too good / 10/24/2014 at 6:54am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, while lying in bed cuddling with my cat after getting stood up, I found out that even 80-year-old Charles Manson is engaged to be married. FML

by jessiejaybee / 11/18/2014 at 5:41am / United States / Love

Today, I was dressed as a single girl. I wore pajama pants, hoodie with no bra, and carried a plate of pizza around. But it wasn't my costume, I just had nowhere to go for Halloween. FML

by 4evalone / 11/01/2014 at 1:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML

by Anonymous S'wit / 11/08/2014 at 5:49pm / Portugal / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I compared our No Shave November body hair. This is how I found out that my legs are hairier than his. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2014 at 8:22pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I'm old enough to be looking at houses to buy, but not old enough to get past the idea that they might be affordable because they're haunted. FML

by boo / 11/16/2014 at 10:07pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I confronted my boyfriend after he received a text with a bunch of hearts on it. After arguing, turns out it was from me. FML

by well, now what / 12/12/2014 at 9:39am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I woke up to the lovely sounds of goats having escaped their pen and climbed onto the roof. Again. FML

by MisUnFortunate / 12/16/2014 at 1:42pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend sent me a screenshot of his phone's contact list, to show me the adorable photo of us he'd set as my contact image. I guess he didn't realize that a contact called "Side Babe" was just barely in the screenshot too. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2014 at 11:54am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I woke up at 4am needing a piss, only to walk in on my fuckstick brother combing his pubes with our mom's toothbrush. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2015 at 11:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I accidentally spilled a big glass of water on the table, where I had some papers, my cellphone, and a box of donuts. With lightning reflexes, my sister heroically jumped forward and saved the donuts. FML

by phones / 01/16/2015 at 12:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous