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Today, and for the fifth week in a row, my dad has been moping around and acting pissy about everything because his psycho girlfriend won't talk to him. He now claims his life is over. I'm being raised by a teenage girl. FML

by SuperFail55 / 10/01/2013 at 8:33pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was maced. Not by a person, but rather by one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom. It was conveniently placed at eye level, you know, for freshness. FML

by erockinthesuburb / 10/15/2013 at 8:38pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

by momaaa1342 / 10/20/2013 at 11:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I opened up to my parents about my depression. Their response was to have a very heated discussion about whose fault it was. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2013 at 12:44am / Chile (Region Metropolitana) / Health

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend, feeling pretty low. I said something along the lines of "You like me even when I look like shit." He replied, "Ah, that's just how you naturally look." FML

by lucy_g / 11/02/2013 at 1:06am / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend moved out and took all his things with him. He also took some things that didn't belong to him, namely my rent money. My landlord comes tomorrow. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2013 at 3:41pm / United States / Money

Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML

by icyrebel25 / 11/12/2013 at 6:57pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I tripped and fell, damaging my sternum and making it incredibly painful to breathe in or out too much. About ten minutes later, I got the hiccups. FML

by ChestExploding / 11/20/2013 at 6:53pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

by Thanks guys / 11/26/2013 at 12:21am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML

by paranoid neighborhood / 11/27/2013 at 12:51pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a new chair at work. After spending 3 hours putting it together, I was called into my boss's office and let go. FML

by helpme / 12/03/2013 at 11:05pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML

by The_Rest_of_the_Story / 12/14/2013 at 1:38am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous