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Today, I got a speeding ticket. My speedometer got busted a few weeks back, rendering it useless. My father, a former mechanic, decided it's not worth the trouble of going in and fixing it. "Just keep with traffic when you're on the highway; you'll be fine." This $150 fee says otherwise. FML

by ZThirteen / 10/25/2009 at 6:08am / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, I had a UTI. After, taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2009 at 2:09pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, in class, everyone read my Creative Writing submission. It was a touching story about the unconditional love that exists between dog and his owner. Everybody unanimously agreed that it was probably about bestiality. FML

by Quirk / 10/29/2009 at 1:17am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I saw my grandmother. All of my cousins and I went to say "hi" to her, one by one. When I got up to her and said, "Hi grandma!", she said in Chinese, "I don't remember this one." FML

by ForgottenKid / 11/06/2009 at 1:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent the night with my guy, whom I hadn't seen in ages. In the middle of sex, he answered his phone, told me to be quiet, talked to the girl on the other end about how boring his day was, then left the room to finish talking to her. When he came back he asked if I felt like swallowing. FML

by dtmfa / 10/31/2009 at 12:31am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I failed an oral speech because "I didn't look up once." The problem was, every time I looked up, my teacher looked down. Every time I looked down, she looked up. FML

by oralMistake / 10/26/2009 at 2:46pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking when I heard a car horn honk. I looked up to see a hot guy giving me a thumbs up. As he got a better look at me, he made a disgusted face and flipped his hand so he was giving me a thumbs down. FML

by notsohot / 10/26/2009 at 4:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working my job at Sephora when I overheard two women talking. One of them asked her friend, "Is being pretty a requirement to work here?" Her friend turned to see me, turned back to her friend and said, "I guess not." FML

by uglyyyyy / 10/28/2009 at 4:19pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

by HellaBomber91 / 11/20/2009 at 8:56am / United States (West Virginia) / Work

Today, the woman I love told me she cared about me and didn't like me hurting myself. She then posted a picture of herself making-out with her new boyfriend. FML

by xX-SaD-FaCe-Xx / 11/24/2009 at 5:04am / Singapore / Love

Today, I had to make up a story about my "friends" at school so my mom doesn't keep telling I'm a loser. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2009 at 7:32pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my date kissed me after our second date. The way he leaned towards my mouth was very romantic. He's pretty tall, so I stretched myself as high as possible to make the kiss as passionate as possible. That's how I ended up belching into his mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 6:23pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I found out that my 2 week Christmas vacation my boss was talking about wasn't for this year, but 2010. I spent the day with my husband cancelling flights to Florida, and explaning to my 8 year old why we were not going to Disney World. FML

by mylifesucks / 12/01/2009 at 8:32pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Work