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Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

#20829558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44052) - you deserved it (3153)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:53pm - work - by pardon my English :$ (woman) - France

Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML

#20854811
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42978) - you deserved it (3533)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:38am - misc - by 4_and_20_blackbits (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I copied some files to my phone while borrowing my grandfather's laptop. As I selectively deleted the files from the recycle bin, I noticed some pictures, and ended up seeing way more than I wanted to of his erect penis. FML

#20829072
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42260) - you deserved it (8923)

On 08/09/2013 at 1:23pm - intimacy - by whyyjustwhy - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

#20850438
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43197) - you deserved it (9335)

On 08/23/2013 at 3:40am - misc - by seriously? -

Today, I found out my roommate Skypes my friends on my laptop when I'm away. Not only that, he covers his face and shows them his junk. My friends no longer answer Skype calls from me. FML

#20886799
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38467) - you deserved it (4277)

On 09/18/2013 at 5:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML

#20910133
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41919) - you deserved it (2858)

On 10/06/2013 at 9:11pm - kids - by TeddyBearKiller (woman) - United States

Today, I asked my friend to crop me out of her profile picture on Facebook because I look terrible in it. She responded that she wasn't going to, because it made her look better. FML

#20913413
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39835) - you deserved it (4949)

On 10/09/2013 at 1:21am - misc - by Anon - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me two days before my birthday. Only to make it worse, I found out that he had been texting my mother on how to break up with me. To make it even worse, she was giving him tips. FML

#21014713
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43109) - you deserved it (3544)

On 01/02/2014 at 9:06pm - misc - by neta_1996 (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I'm now able to put my acne cream on my face without having to look in the mirror, because I've memorized the crater and trench-filled war zone that is my acne-riddled face. FML

#21016650
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41724) - you deserved it (4090)

On 01/04/2014 at 1:38pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I watched the Sochi Winter Games online. Excited by an athlete's victory, I yelled out, "YEAH!" to 20-or-so silent coworkers. As if to redeem myself, I then said, "Don't pretend like you're all working you lot!" Our boss was right behind me. FML

#21057961
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22755) - you deserved it (34099) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/12/2014 at 4:47am - work - by Anonyme - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

#21069925
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35807) - you deserved it (2826)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:01pm - animals - by crap - United States (Nevada)

Today, I've been forced to start packing to go on a vacation with my parents, because they say I've been studying too hard and need a break. I've hardly studied at all and was planning on making up for it all in the time I had left before finals. I'm screwed. FML

#21069416
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20717) - you deserved it (37117)

On 02/23/2014 at 2:00pm - misc - by goodbye cruel world (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, at my job as a librarian at an old library, I was shelving books. Things were great until one entire bookshelf fell over. The damage wasn't too bad. Then the rest fell down. FML

#21072866
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36501) - you deserved it (3497)

On 02/27/2014 at 1:21am - work - by FallCameEarly (man) - United States (California)



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  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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