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Today, my mother and I were driving through Del Taco. Instead of ordering "Macho Diet Coke", she said "Macho Diet Cock". After correcting herself and pulling up to the window, the employee who goes to my high school gave her the drink and his phone number. FML

by MachoFluster / 02/05/2010 at 2:52am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

by nekoneko / 02/07/2010 at 12:15am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2010 at 8:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad came out of a hotel bathroom with nothing but a wash-cloth over his crotch and said "look! this place has cotton loin clothes" in front of my wedding party. FML

by indianaxx / 01/30/2010 at 12:21pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was going out to my car with my sister's birthday present. I slipped on some ice and the present fell to the ground. I spent an hour wrapping it. I could hear the present break. I had gotten her $200 wine glasses. I then had to run to the nearest store and get her a CD instead. FML

by GymnasticsQueen / 02/07/2010 at 7:35pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to buy a wrist splint for my carpal tunnel syndrome. Not because I'm a computer programmer or some hot shot web designer but because I spend ALL of my time playing Solitaire on my laptop. FML

by 16seconds / 02/07/2010 at 8:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I have been crushing on for 2 years. At the end of the date he tells me that he is moving away and as his going away present, I could pay for dinner. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2010 at 6:28am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, it was nice out, so I drove with my car windows down. I was stopped trying to turn onto a busy highway, when a car turned off the highway right next to me, hit a pothole, and splashed dirty water into my window and into my open mouth. FML

by pothole / 03/03/2010 at 3:16pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend of a over a year broke up with me. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't written him a long letter about how much I love him, and that I'm so glad we're together and so glad that he promised he would always be there. He'll be getting it in a few days. FML

by love_letter / 08/29/2010 at 7:41pm / United States (Hawaii) / Love

Today, I was horseback riding. Somebody yelled something behind me, so I turned around. Next thing I know, I am on the ground and my head is killing me. It turns out I ran into a tree branch. The person behind me simply said, "Watch out." FML

by fyln00b / 07/03/2010 at 12:49am / Animals

Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with my dad's new girlfriend's ex-husband. FML

by messyfamily / 09/19/2010 at 3:31am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I filed a missing persons report on my boyfriend. He was out fishing and then was supposed to meet me for a romantic weekend getaway. He never showed up and didn't respond to my texts. I found out, courtesy of a voicemail from the sheriff's department, that he'd broken up with me. FML

by stood-up / 09/12/2010 at 1:22am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I was doing a job for some people on my street cutting their bushes. After I had finished and went to get my pay, I realized I had gone to the wrong house. They called the police. FML

by uugnfg / 07/27/2010 at 12:38am / United States / Work