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Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They decided it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

#242158
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58915) - you deserved it (4407)

On 03/08/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by kelsey (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML

#3163713
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41631) - you deserved it (10985)

On 06/24/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by Nutty (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML

#1052920
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11206) - you deserved it (58476)

On 04/17/2009 at 11:19am - misc - by lalalohan (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was in a video chat with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years, and my mom walks in. The first thing she says is, "Did you close the toilet after you pooped? Cause today on the news I heard that your poop particles can fly up to 25 feet, landing on your toothbrush." FML

#5593248
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31113) - you deserved it (2766)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:09pm - health - by Poop (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the school I work at, to set up my new classroom. I'm 5'1" and I was carrying a backpack full of fun educational posters. I also have a new boss. When we met for the first time he was yelling at me because "there were no students allowed in here yet." FML

#4511131
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45019) - you deserved it (2629)

On 08/13/2009 at 9:36pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was in my Cosmetic Application class, and we were about to apply foundation to our models. I walk over to my friend and say "Wow, that foundation is really orange and blotchy." Then the model turns to me and says "Actually, we haven't started yet... that's just my skin." FML

#2073972
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13677) - you deserved it (53544)

On 05/19/2009 at 4:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I learned that because of my new medication, I can either avoid getting malaria, or have a male yeast infection. I'm stuck in Africa for the next two months, and have to sit down to pee because I don't want to irritate my penis by touching it. FML

#4421070
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40671) - you deserved it (3092)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:27am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Ghana (Volta)

Today, I was visiting a national park and went for a swim. Afterwards, I needed to change clothes but the bathrooms were closed. I went off into the woods to change. As soon as I was naked, I heard hooves and sixteen people on horseback rode by. I'd stripped by a horse trail. FML

#1973395
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32589) - you deserved it (16813)

On 05/16/2009 at 8:11am - animals - by FishStampede - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I was fired from my job of 5 years. I was let go because I couldn't take the company to 'the next level'. My now ex-boss asked me if I could process my severance check because he didn't know how. I had to write myself my last paycheck. FML

#1315849
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52755) - you deserved it (2380)

On 04/25/2009 at 9:31am - work - by feistychick (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I had just opened up some porn on my laptop when my mom walked into my room, so I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't know the speakers continue to function after the laptop is closed. FML

#5925
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15539) - you deserved it (44759)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:24am - intimacy - by hitmutefirst (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went out to dinner with my family. I was given a kids menu when the hostess sat us down. I'm 24. FML

#62239
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39848) - you deserved it (2672)

On 02/17/2009 at 6:23pm - misc - by morg2000 - Mexico

Today, I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment when I told her I didn't have a condom. She started laughing and upon realizing my look of confusion, said "Oh, you actually thought I was going to have sex with you?" FML

#54081
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54071) - you deserved it (16180)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by pineapple456 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was eating nacho chips with my nieces when I started to feel that some were wet. I look at my niece and notice she was sucking on the chips, and putting them back in the bag. FML

#169067
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48262) - you deserved it (6343)

On 03/01/2009 at 9:14am - kids - by Aliya (woman) - United States (New York)



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