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Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

#21050614
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37991) - you deserved it (7130)

On 02/04/2014 at 8:03pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I had to wave my arms like a maniac as I sat on the toilet at work, otherwise the faulty motion sensor/timer would turn the lights off after about ten seconds. I've had to do this for several days now. No one else has reported this problem, so management won't get it fixed. FML

#21089760
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33610) - you deserved it (3888)

On 03/18/2014 at 4:10am - work - by aziraphaleelle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that, after having moved over 500 miles to begin a post-graduate degree, I'm being kicked out of the house I'm renting. We haven't yet signed agreements. Apparently I "keep the kitchen too clean". FML

#21097212
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37725) - you deserved it (3255)

On 03/26/2014 at 7:45pm - work - by homeless - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML

#21111233
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41290) - you deserved it (4221)

On 04/12/2014 at 3:59pm - kids - by BeatByA9yrold (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML

#21102656
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40485) - you deserved it (5937)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:16am - kids - by IcyWinter - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, a coworker asked me why this week's report was not uploaded to the server. I've been writing these reports once a week for a year and they take a whole day to write. Upload them to what server? FML

#21162641
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37312) - you deserved it (5685)

On 06/04/2014 at 9:56am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I clogged the only toilet at work. Thinking I could escape and blame someone else, I opened the door, only to see a line of people waiting outside. FML

#21168163
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43480) - you deserved it (15645)

On 06/09/2014 at 12:28pm - work - by deservedly - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I came back home after a year studying abroad. Imagine my surprise when I found out my mom had gotten breast implants while I was away. All through dinner, I kept catching myself staring at them. No wonder my dad was so much happier than when I left. FML

#21184159
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38318) - you deserved it (4531)

On 06/22/2014 at 12:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after leaving my mom's house, I got 4 text messages from her about how I was a terrible person for not saying goodbye to my sister when I left. The "sister" she was referring to is the family dog. FML

#21192815
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39312) - you deserved it (4171)

On 06/29/2014 at 6:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went bowling with my girlfriend, her sister and her brother-in-law, and her niece. After 10 rounds, I came in last place. Her niece is 3 years old. She got twice as many points as me. FML

#21189057
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35888) - you deserved it (10764)

On 06/26/2014 at 10:58am - misc - by DF (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I paid $325 to have the vet tell me that my 19-year-old cat ISN'T dying, she just had anxiety shits because we were gone on vacation for so long. FML

#21231104
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33764) - you deserved it (5537)

On 08/06/2014 at 5:35pm - animals - by chynna (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had trouble carrying a box upstairs because my arms were sore from working out. My mom asked me, "Why are you working out so much then?" I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of her 100-pound weight gain and that I didn't want to end up looking like her. FML

#21225648
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39635) - you deserved it (6149)

On 07/31/2014 at 7:51am - health - by jogginglikeitsmyjob (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was helping out at my church. At lunchtime, a really cute guy my age walked over and told me I was pretty. I was flattered, until I turned around and saw his annoyed buddies handing him several dollar bills. FML

#21212865
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44406) - you deserved it (3642)

On 07/18/2014 at 12:45pm - money - by what people do for money - United States (Texas)



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