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Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42695) - you deserved it (3183)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

#21265897
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35723) - you deserved it (3648)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

#21276776
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33379) - you deserved it (4549)

On 10/13/2014 at 6:20am - intimacy - by Drafrica (woman) - South Africa

Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML

#21285028
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32987) - you deserved it (4257)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:27pm - work - by not on life, that's for fucking sure (man) - United States

Today, I got sick at school. When someone called my mom for permission for me to leave, she told them she doesn't have a daughter and to never call that number again. FML

Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

#21304429
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31895) - you deserved it (3907)

On 11/23/2014 at 11:34am - intimacy - by 404: fuck not given (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, one of the patients on the mental health unit where I work looked me up and down and said; "Well, I guess it's a popular misconception that all fat people are jolly." FML

#21298006
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29026) - you deserved it (3961)

On 11/12/2014 at 9:48pm - work - by thefatnurse - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out that my dog likes to howl when he hears sirens. I live next to the fire station. FML

#21305878
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24387) - you deserved it (2739)

On 11/25/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by drreeeewwww - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I asked my dad if he thought my dress was nice, and if guys would go for me. He replied, "Shit, depends on how drunk they are." FML

#21303377
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30166) - you deserved it (4035)

On 11/21/2014 at 3:07pm - misc - by Veronica - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML

#41
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43159) - you deserved it (9023)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:56pm - love - by Crawling -

Today, I need to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone has left work, I decide that, since I AM a jedi, my penis ought to be my Light saber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: “At least someone is having fun!” It was my boss. FML

#523
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7704) - you deserved it (28825)

On 12/15/2008 at 10:58pm - work - by lopez - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML

#532
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25194) - you deserved it (7948)

On 12/17/2008 at 4:40am - love - by Gen - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was talking with some of my friends who are girls. They were all complaining about how there was no good boys left to ask to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Hoping for an invite I mentioned I was still availiable. They just laughed at me and invited me to come dress shopping with them. FML

#18079
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37322) - you deserved it (4049)

On 02/09/2009 at 6:47pm - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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