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Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42695) - you deserved it (3183)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a conversation about the lack of communication in our relationship. I told him that sometimes I feel like he doesn't really care about me at all. If he did, he would listen more. His response? "I know your name, don't I?" FML

#21246190
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36986) - you deserved it (4919)

On 08/27/2014 at 12:56am - love - by Iamthatgirl (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got sick at school. When someone called my mom for permission for me to leave, she told them she doesn't have a daughter and to never call that number again. FML

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

#21246644
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36421) - you deserved it (6851)

On 08/27/2014 at 7:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

#21265897
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35723) - you deserved it (3648)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including the guy I like. As soon as we got to the beach, I ran toward the water and he chased after me. It was a beautiful moment until I looked back at him, tripped, fell on my face and slid down the beach. FML

#21224233
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38618) - you deserved it (6351)

On 07/29/2014 at 10:36pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

#21258820
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34603) - you deserved it (3892)

On 09/15/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, one of the patients on the mental health unit where I work looked me up and down and said; "Well, I guess it's a popular misconception that all fat people are jolly." FML

#21298006
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28950) - you deserved it (3958)

On 11/12/2014 at 9:48pm - work - by thefatnurse - United States (Georgia)

Today, a girl said to me, "Sorry, but I have a boyfriend". I hadn't said anything to her. FML

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

#21276776
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33344) - you deserved it (4547)

On 10/13/2014 at 6:20am - intimacy - by Drafrica (woman) - South Africa

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML

#41
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43155) - you deserved it (9022)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:56pm - love - by Crawling -



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