Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I got banned from my boyfriend's house for being an "insurance liability." FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2010 at 10:06pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was skiing in Vermont for the third day straight. Since I was getting very little sleep, on the top of the chairlift I let out a huge yawn, pulling a muscle in my face. As I slid down the ramp, everyone saw me thrashing my head around and making funny, painful faces as I fell down. FML

by Floof / 02/15/2010 at 8:35am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Holidays

Today, it was my first day of softball practice. I'm the youngest one on the team by about 2 years, so I wanted to prove I'm just as good as everyone else. Too bad I tripped in the outfield and got hit in the head with a bat. I have a concussion. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2010 at 2:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML

by happybirthday / 03/06/2010 at 2:42pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I realised that every morning my girlfriend gets me to help her put on a locket her ex-boyfriend bought her on Valentine's Day. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2010 at 5:16am / Canada (Yukon Territory) / Love

Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy. My entire region got hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML

by Jimbo / 05/25/2010 at 5:29am / United States (Armed Forces Pacific) / Work

Today, mine and my boyfriend's concerns that we are too loud in bed were definitely confirmed when his entire family stopped the movie they were watching and vacated the cinema room located directly below us. They returned and resumed a while after we were finished. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2010 at 7:53am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and must have rolled off. When I woke up, I noticed my braces were stuck to the rug. After frantically pulling, my mom finally sawed me off the rug with scissors. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2010 at 12:19am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I turned up 5 minutes late to what would have been a 5 minute breast check. After waiting for ages, a nurse asked me what I was doing there. Turns out because I was late, they had put me in the no-show pile, but forgot to tell me when I checked in. FML

Today, I finally quit my job after talking with a friend about making our own design/multimedia company. While I was on my way to his house, he called me and told me not to quit because he got an awesome job offer and couldn't refuse. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2010 at 3:22pm / Chile (Region Metropolitana) / Work

Today, I'm three months pregnant. Hours after the father of my baby bought me a wedding ring, he decided to get drunk and tell me that he doesn't see himself with me for the rest of his life, and doesn't really want to get married. Oh and he hates my dog. FML

by Samantha / 06/15/2010 at 2:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I got chased, threatened and assaulted by a cab driver because I wouldn't take the credit card receipt. FML

by Rob / 10/09/2010 at 12:09am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, it took me a full ten minutes to finish on the toilet. I was babysitting at the time, and it took the kids those ten minutes to destroy the kitchen and shave the cat. FML

by nicki / 11/14/2010 at 12:18pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids