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Today, I got mugged. But luckily I had on my keyring the pepper spray that my husband had insisted I keep with me. Unlucky for me, my husband's co-worker, who borrowed my keys, emptied my pepper by spraying it on a brick wall one day when he was bored. FML

#14902184
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32850) - you deserved it (2828)

On 02/08/2011 at 10:27pm - misc - by Username -

Today, I received a phone call from my old boss asking me why I wasn't at work, to which I responded, "Because you fired me yesterday". He didn't say anything, and hung up. FML

#16480266
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39628) - you deserved it (3205)

On 06/03/2011 at 5:57am - work - by xmeatballx21 - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML

#14923153
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22281) - you deserved it (11638)

On 02/10/2011 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML

#15238370
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33373) - you deserved it (3919)

On 03/08/2011 at 6:32am - animals - by ghoul -

Today, I was telling my friend how lonely I am on Skype. He responded by deleting me as a friend. FML

#15392908
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32924) - you deserved it (10787)

On 03/20/2011 at 12:52am - love - by changeddaily (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I blacked out at a wedding as a bridesmaid, during the service. FML

#19550881
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20205) - you deserved it (3596)

On 04/29/2012 at 10:53pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was jogging when a woman ran out of her house and handed me an invitation for a party. What was the invitation for? A weight loss treatment party. Guess the jogging isn't working. FML

#18362103
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24539) - you deserved it (2811)

On 11/27/2011 at 12:30am - health - by jogger (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to work as a home health-aid, and found out that my client turns his hearing aid off on purpose because he can't stand my voice. FML

#17948621
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23118) - you deserved it (4490)

On 10/10/2011 at 12:13am - work - by melikeyturtles - United States

Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML

#16714444
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33323) - you deserved it (2250)

On 06/17/2011 at 4:23pm - misc - by ajdown (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I returned home after a three-week trip to Jamaica. When I opened the door to my room, I was greeted by a swarm of bees and their enormous nest, which was attached to my doorknob. Apparently, I'd forgotten to close the window properly before I left. FML

#15970719
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25024) - you deserved it (17130)

On 04/28/2011 at 10:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I discovered that the amount of alcohol I have to drink to build up enough courage to talk to women at a bar is the exact amount of alcohol that prevents me from getting a boner. FML

#19249141
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28018) - you deserved it (7891)

On 03/10/2012 at 1:00am - intimacy - by socially awkward - United States (New York)

Today, I had an interview for an internship at an independent lawyer's office. Hoping to increase my chances of being hired, I dressed up sexily with a short skirt, high heels, and ample cleavage. Turns out his wife handles the interviews. FML

#17579225
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10037) - you deserved it (100040) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/25/2011 at 5:45pm - love - by santa_maria - Reunion

Today, my dad spent a full half hour trying to convince me that Judaism is a race. FML

#16938868
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26510) - you deserved it (6194)

On 07/01/2011 at 6:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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