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Today, I found out my girlfriend of four years is legally married to a man in prison. He gets out next week. FML

by fouryearswasted / 12/19/2010 at 12:14am / United States / Love

Today, I sat in the cafeteria at work and saw a girl, which is a rare sight at my workplace, from the back with a beautifully long ponytail. After a full hour of building up courage to perhaps say hi to her, she turned around. It was a 50-year-old man. FML

by lonelyengineer / 12/19/2010 at 5:28am / Germany (Niedersachsen) / Love

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer asked me to give 5 adjectives describing myself. I listed 7. The last one being "listener." FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2011 at 10:35pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. You would think he could at least spell my name right while ending our relationship. FML

by bunnyyy / 01/07/2011 at 3:41am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was on my way to work behind a very slow car. At a red light, the lady came over and punched me in the face for following her too closely. We are coworkers and our desks are next to each other. FML

by will3000 / 01/12/2011 at 8:28am / Work

Today, I was driving with my parents while explaining that young people like myself are better drivers because we have better reflexes. My explanation was suddently interrupted with the sound of me crashing the car against a parked car. FML

by superdriver / 02/07/2011 at 12:46pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Transportation

Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2011 at 4:36pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

Today, I had to sell my phone to pay for the phone bill. FML

by suzyyy / 02/23/2011 at 4:18am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Money

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. Everything was going perfectly, right up until he brought me back to his house to tell his family the good news. When I excused myself to the restroom, I overheard his mom say, "I thought you were going to break up with that stupid slut?" Welcome to the family. FML

by storyofmylife / 02/23/2011 at 4:52pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, after having my jaw wired shut for 2 months, I finally got to eat. During the first bite of my sandwich I pulled my jaw out of place. FML

by Anonymous / 03/08/2011 at 6:23pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, while practicing my gymnastics routine on the uneven bars, I was so distracted by my teammates' conversation about a party later that I miscalculated my flip and smacked my head on a bar. Ten stitches and a concussion later, I was left alone in the hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2011 at 12:49am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I fell going down the stairs to the subway platform during rush hour. Someone was kind enough to help me up and someone else was kind enough to steal my iPhone which had fallen out of my pocket and landed nearby. FML

by blegh / 03/31/2011 at 10:42pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, after being in Europe for a month, I got home to find my door wide open and all my stuff gone. I called my dad who was supposed to be watching my house. He told me I should have had someone check on my place while I was gone. FML

by jruth7 / 05/15/2011 at 12:49am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous