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Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

#21271662
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36587) - you deserved it (7281)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:17pm - health - by PickYourselfUp (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I noticed my fish was still hungry after feeding him earlier. I figured, "Eh, a little bit more won't kill him". I was wrong. FML

#21303699
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29517) - you deserved it (8338)

On 11/22/2014 at 2:22am - animals - by liishax3 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I fell in the shower and the doors jammed shut. I was stuck in there for hours, waiting for my parents to come home. They had to open the door for me while I was still naked inside. FML

#21364892
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28623) - you deserved it (3231)

On 02/27/2015 at 10:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML

#21244154
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38612) - you deserved it (3073)

On 08/24/2014 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my psychotic, very jealous ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and punched a male store clerk who was helping me look for azaleas in a garden center. FML

#21264094
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35951) - you deserved it (2950)

On 09/23/2014 at 9:19pm - love - by Tag (woman) - Australia

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

#21287428
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31506) - you deserved it (7820)

On 10/29/2014 at 12:55am - work - by shadysheikh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

#21248418
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35633) - you deserved it (2998)

On 08/30/2014 at 11:14am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got my graduation photos back. I'd sent them to a friend for touching up, but unfortunately we had a major argument recently. I guess that's why in the photos I've been photoshopped out and replaced with a goat. FML

#21283103
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31505) - you deserved it (6336)

On 10/22/2014 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

#21317090
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30311) - you deserved it (2777)

On 12/14/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by konacoffee17 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

#21231132
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39008) - you deserved it (2884)

On 08/06/2014 at 6:18pm - kids - by whymyroomthough (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I compared our No Shave November body hair. This is how I found out that my legs are hairier than his. FML

#21299788
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28288) - you deserved it (7438)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML

#21384188
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27572) - you deserved it (2344)

On 03/30/2015 at 2:39pm - misc - by noantiquesforme - United States (California)



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