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Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML

#6024330
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30395) - you deserved it (7563)

On 10/27/2009 at 2:46pm - health - by opposableouch (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML

#6427475
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7982) - you deserved it (24853)

On 11/23/2009 at 9:30pm - love - by pigglepigglepiggle (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "It tastes like a s***!" I said. His wife baked it. FML

#6209911
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7394) - you deserved it (48511)

On 11/08/2009 at 10:03am - misc - by Cakeman (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML

#6493156
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30282) - you deserved it (9807)

On 11/28/2009 at 10:57am - love - by lol smiley face - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

#6422671
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39293) - you deserved it (3685)

On 11/23/2009 at 4:11pm - love - by TheGirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for various people; 17 to be exact. It wasn't until I placed the last present on top of the stack that I realized I didn't put gift tags on any of them. FML

#6510557
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11228) - you deserved it (37396)

On 11/29/2009 at 9:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my family and I noticed that our Christmas tree had been stolen from our front garden. Last night, a group of girls from my village posted a status on Facebook stating how drunk they were, and how they had stolen a Christmas tree. I "liked" it. FML

#6613732
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25297) - you deserved it (15015)

On 12/05/2009 at 8:22am - misc - by Marcella_03 (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my very traditional parents told me that I should start a savings account for my marriage. I told them that I wouldn't get married until much later because I don't even have a boyfriend yet. They said, "Don't worry we already found a boy for you." FML

#6527695
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36592) - you deserved it (3588)

On 11/30/2009 at 1:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I gave a speech at a charity event in part to help with my shyness. Nobody told me I was standing on top of an air vent. It went on. My skirt flew up, revealing my underwear to 90 people. Nobody remembers the content of my speech. FML

#6619403
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29004) - you deserved it (3567)

On 12/05/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by paula434 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was changing the oil on my car. I decided to pretend I was delivering a baby as I was removing the oil filter. I got really into it and was screaming things like "I see the head," and when I removed it, I said "Oh, it's a boy!" As I reach for my rag to clean it, I saw my neighbor's boots. FML

Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML

#6940089
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36010) - you deserved it (3554)

On 12/25/2009 at 2:34pm - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (California)

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened I slipped and fell in the shower and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered "Well, she is masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!". FML

#6998610
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29017) - you deserved it (3024)

On 12/28/2009 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by notexactly (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was in a hurry to catch a plane. I got half way to the airport and realized I forgot my phone. I drove back to the house and searched for it. I finally gave up and returned to the airport only to find that I was 10 minutes late for my plane. Just then my pocket vibrated. FML

#7158067
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8864) - you deserved it (35018)

On 01/05/2010 at 1:40am - misc - by Allen - France



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