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Today, in the men's room a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped his phone, and it fell right next to my foot. The screen was facing upward, and looked like he was taking pictures of his junk in the office toilet. FML

by Vkaz / 10/02/2014 at 2:20pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my laziness reached a whole new level when I caught myself skipping the longer FML stories to read the shorter ones. FML

by eh / 10/06/2014 at 3:12pm / Azerbaijan (Baki) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband told me he cheated on me two years ago with his ex-fiancée. In the process, he got her pregnant, but said it was okay, because she didn't keep it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 9:23pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML

by peanutprobs / 10/31/2014 at 5:12pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Health

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2014 at 1:56pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized why I never hear my voice echoing when I sing to my boyfriend on Skype; he just mutes me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2014 at 4:50pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I realized that customers at my work ask me "Are you new or just stupid?" just as often as they did when I first started. FML

by stupid / 11/24/2014 at 2:21pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2014 at 12:17pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she's been cheating on me for the past two months. Apparently she thought I'd take it well, because when I yelled at her for being a heartless bitch, she stuttered "S-sike!" and tried to play it off as a prank. She's acting like we're still dating. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2014 at 11:19am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, what few friends I have won't talk to me anymore. My ex told them she dumped me because I abused her. I never abused her. What really happened is that she dumped me in a rage after I refused to give her money for drugs. Nobody's even asked for my side of the story. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2014 at 11:42am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I bit into a piece of homegrown lettuce from my garden. Apparently, I'm not the only one to enjoy my produce, because I took a bite out of a small caterpillar. FML

by Malina / 01/03/2015 at 8:42pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, my obsessive stalker of an ex found my girlfriend on Facebook and sent her a message saying just ":)". For some reason I'll never understand, she took this as a sign that I'd just slept with my ex. Now I'm single, and my ex is probably planning her next move. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2014 at 4:03pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, I was shopping with my dad and I saw one of my guy friends, so we waved and smiled at each other. My dad clearly thought his wave was too "romantic", because he shouted at him, "Touch her, and I'll kill you." FML

by Dear Lord Save Me / 01/03/2015 at 10:56pm / United Kingdom (Merthyr Tydfil) / Miscellaneous