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Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

#19123444
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19402) - you deserved it (3065)

On 02/20/2012 at 2:39pm - animals - by good_gravy (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML

#14948689
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35252) - you deserved it (3032)

On 02/12/2011 at 11:29am - intimacy - by KaraAnn17 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at 3 o'clock. I allowed thirty minutes for the drive, but when I put my key in the ignition, the car wouldn't start. FML

#17017603
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25353) - you deserved it (3905)

On 07/07/2011 at 6:29pm - work - by Username - United States

Today, during my honeymoon, my wife and I finally went scuba-diving. My nose was too big to fit in the face goggles, so I couldn't go. My wife went without me anyway. FML

#16838274
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33692) - you deserved it (7486)

On 06/24/2011 at 7:04pm - love - by pinocchio - United States

Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML

#15528059
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29358) - you deserved it (3920)

On 03/28/2011 at 7:52am - misc - by screwedhousemate (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

#18738819
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22201) - you deserved it (2770)

On 01/07/2012 at 7:50pm - kids - by ProudMama (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, at work, a weird old woman came up to me and told me that it's okay: being ugly isn't a choice, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and that it's what inside that counts. She then hugged me and walked away. FML

#17786304
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28039) - you deserved it (2609)

On 09/20/2011 at 4:08am - misc - by ugly? - United States

Today, at my mom's wedding, I tripped as I was walking down the aisle. I was holding the train of her dress. It ripped. FML

#18057412
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28366) - you deserved it (3748)

On 10/23/2011 at 7:58pm - misc - by TitMunch - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was working on the computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eye patch in a couple of days. FML

#18549843
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29386) - you deserved it (2231)

On 12/19/2011 at 12:03am - health - by suhleedah18 - United States

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

#19032748
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8733) - you deserved it (15349)

On 02/09/2012 at 6:29am - money - by thatgirl34 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I applied for a dental insurance that claims "you cannot be denied". I was denied. FML

#16464062
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29509) - you deserved it (3095)

On 06/02/2011 at 3:26am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I stopped to help a stranded motorist. I yelled out my window, "Hey do you need a hand?" The guy was just standing beside his car taking a piss. FML

#16355450
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27720) - you deserved it (6334)

On 05/26/2011 at 10:06am - misc - by Emoney1 - Canada

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

#17467525
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12121) - you deserved it (22821)

On 08/14/2011 at 4:17am - animals - by romea244 - United States (Puerto Rico)



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