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Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

#21099601
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37838) - you deserved it (4351)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:07pm - work - by ohdear. (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

#21116013
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36557) - you deserved it (12141)

On 04/18/2014 at 1:37am - misc - by Fatass - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she's been cheating on me for the past two months. Apparently she thought I'd take it well, because when I yelled at her for being a heartless bitch, she stuttered "S-sike!" and tried to play it off as a prank. She's acting like we're still dating. FML

#21316716
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32974) - you deserved it (2690)

On 12/13/2014 at 11:19am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I got a birthday package from my parents. It was all the stuff I'd forgotten there when visiting a month ago, along with some other things I'd left behind when I moved out. FML

#21130304
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37103) - you deserved it (5307)

On 05/04/2014 at 6:11am - misc - by chrono19 - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML

#21128713
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37207) - you deserved it (4092)

On 05/02/2014 at 10:04am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

#21183341
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42631) - you deserved it (4407)

On 06/21/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by LoveGlove (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was at the reading of my grandma's will. Apparently I was removed from it some time ago, and the £2,500 I would have gotten went to my cheating bitch of an ex-fiancée. It seems my grandma adored her, and never forgave me for "driving her away" from the family. FML

#21184361
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45984) - you deserved it (4617)

On 06/22/2014 at 4:06pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I was on the internet playing a game. I have a speech impediment, and the guy running it told me to get off his server for making fun of disabled people. FML

#21199175
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46986) - you deserved it (3923)

On 07/05/2014 at 1:37am - misc - by Wow (man) - United States (California)

Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML

#21314459
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32139) - you deserved it (3455)

On 12/09/2014 at 2:15pm - kids - by Amore (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

#21267554
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32135) - you deserved it (4011)

On 09/29/2014 at 8:06am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

#21260699
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33582) - you deserved it (5697)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:20pm - misc - by immature - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, as my boyfriend left my house, I gave him a long, tight hug. So tight that he threw up. FML

Today, my brother admitted that he decides whether he will date a girl or not based on the number of likes she gets on her selfies. We share the same blood. FML

#21332081
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29811) - you deserved it (2937)

On 01/06/2015 at 3:36pm - misc - by Discouraged (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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Wednesday 28 January 2015

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