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Today, I returned home from an extended vacation only to find out my cousin wasn't kidding when he said he was going to steal my boyfriend. I thought I was dating a straight guy. FML

#20761976
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43404) - you deserved it (3202)

On 07/03/2013 at 4:56pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my work gave me a vacation for my performance. It's a trip to somewhere in the Caribbean, with the nickname "The Sunniest Place on Earth." I have skin cancer. FML

#20706766
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51023) - you deserved it (3739)

On 06/05/2013 at 12:22am - health - by TooSunnyForSkin - United States (Indiana)

Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying: "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML

#20746882
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39442) - you deserved it (5507)

On 06/25/2013 at 5:45pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I left hospital after a three-night stay. Whilst waiting for my taxi to arrive, my mother called me in hysterics wanting to know where I was, because the police had called her and told her I had gone missing. Turns out my doctor "forgot" to tell anyone that I was discharged. FML

Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML

#20736581
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38622) - you deserved it (7728)

On 06/20/2013 at 1:49am - misc - by ohmygod (man) - United States

Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML

#20777593
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20583) - you deserved it (49945)

On 07/12/2013 at 12:35pm - misc - by hellbound (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that when my crush leans in to kiss me, I get so nervous I throw up. Then throw up again thinking about how embarrassed I am. FML

#20841404
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44930) - you deserved it (7146)

On 08/17/2013 at 4:24am - love - by love-shot - United States (Kansas)

Today, I won a lottery at my local grocery store. Excited, I went to claim my prize, only to discover it was a bottle of red wine. I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

#20858175
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41204) - you deserved it (3027)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:47pm - misc - by notsolucky - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

#20857254
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46618) - you deserved it (3484)

On 08/27/2013 at 11:11pm - love - by the other man - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML

#20860701
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45323) - you deserved it (5725)

On 08/30/2013 at 6:56pm - love - by >_< (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my barber repeatedly threatened to stab me with scissors while I was getting my hair cut. FML

#20858870
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36584) - you deserved it (4042)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:39am - misc - by oD_Ronan (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after getting back from a year-long world trip, I nearly fell on my knees and cried when I saw boxes of Twinkies at my local gas station. Finding out they were back was the highlight of the year. FML

Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She pretended like it never happened. FML



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