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Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 10:00pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML

by Anonymous / 11/05/2010 at 6:05am / United Kingdom (Gwynedd) / Miscellaneous

Today, I flew into Denver. Never being here before, I was excited to see the view from our window. In the middle seat, I leaned over to look - at the same time yawning to relieve pressure in my ears. The yawning caused me to drool on the stranger sitting next to me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2010 at 1:08am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I went to the movies. Two teenagers behind me had already seen the picture once and shared the entire plot with their friend during first 10 minutes. The finale was intended to be a great twist and I knew it from the very beginning. FML

by nanuka_g / 11/27/2010 at 12:41am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2010 at 12:49am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up early and went to the dermatologist's, only to have them tell me that the skin condition I have that causes big, white spots to appear is chronic and I can do nothing about it. But they did give me cream for a different skin condition they found. FML

by Username / 11/23/2010 at 8:40pm / United States / Health

Today, I was lying in bed listening to my neighbors have loud, and what sounded like, enjoyable sex. My boyfriend rolled over and said, "she sounds like fun" before rolling back over and going to sleep. It's been four months. FML

by unsatisfied / 11/29/2010 at 7:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over to visit. Being nice, I let him walk down the stairs first, following after him. I still managed to reach the bottom before he did; after taking one step, I lost my footing and fell all the way down, scraping the skin off my arms and legs, and bruising my butt. FML

by brelni / 11/28/2010 at 12:17pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to make up a boyfriend to stop my lesbian roommate coming onto me. FML

by katelouise2102 / 11/29/2010 at 7:39am / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Intimacy

Today, in my journalism class, after trying hard to find some actual news to comment, we ended up talking about gay porn and fashion designers. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2010 at 10:35am / Romania (Cluj) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me one of the main reasons he started dating me was because I have the same name as his ex, whose name he has tattooed on his back. FML

by tattooed / 11/30/2010 at 10:50am / Ireland (Dublin) / Love

Today, while driving, I idly started picking my nose. I looked over at the car next to me and saw a smoking hot guy from my school staring at me in disgust. He kept staring until I took a turn-off. FML

by wench / 12/23/2010 at 3:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 1:08am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous