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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, on my second day at my new job, a customer called my manager with a complaint about me. He said I put the cheese "upside down" on his sandwich, and that made it taste bad. FML

Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML

#446
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30111) - you deserved it (8499)

On 12/03/2008 at 11:39pm - kids - by Noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML

#513
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22943) - you deserved it (5886)

On 12/14/2008 at 8:14am - intimacy - by james - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

#5739
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25162) - you deserved it (10391)

On 02/02/2009 at 7:42pm - misc - by houdini - United States (California)

Today, I met a guy who said he thinks he's in love with my sister. As a joke, I told him that my sister cheats on everyone. I get home to find my sister crying, because some 'person' told her boyfriend that she's cheating on him. FML

#20165
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7782) - you deserved it (60980)

On 02/10/2009 at 6:59am - misc - by imwrong (woman) - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, my girlfriend of one month and I had an amazing night of dinner and dancing, but when I leaned in to kiss her, she said, "You're joking right?" FML

#41639
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40844) - you deserved it (3649)

On 02/14/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by semi-depressed (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML

#308282
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64760) - you deserved it (4682)

On 03/13/2009 at 7:04pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got my laptop back after sending it to Dell to repair water damage after a night of partying. Dell returned my computer unrepaired, saying it was unfixable. When I called to ask why they couldn't fix it, they told me it was a biohazard. Someone got drunk and pissed on my laptop. FML

#529692
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53164) - you deserved it (21870)

On 03/22/2009 at 12:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

#553334
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70637) - you deserved it (7832)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:34pm - misc - by unloved (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML

#1014149
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99447) - you deserved it (15103)

On 04/16/2009 at 4:40am - intimacy - by sad_gay (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML

#3416455
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12743) - you deserved it (45375)

On 07/02/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by Kronic (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML

#832595
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53797) - you deserved it (16868)

On 04/06/2009 at 9:39am - health - by blahbags (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I had a consultation for an upcoming surgery I need done. The doctor (very handsome and in his late twenties) asked me to flex my stomach and act like I was trying to use the bathroom. As I was enjoying him touching my stomach, I fart. FML

#3414580
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43219) - you deserved it (8083)

On 07/02/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Dakota)



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