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Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML

#21447917
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26222) - you deserved it (5190)

On 07/27/2015 at 5:25am - misc - by NoOrdinaryNZer - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

#21455978
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24236) - you deserved it (2212)

On 08/14/2015 at 12:50pm - misc - by Brooke (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I am probably the only person in the world who can manage to pull a muscle in their neck while brushing their teeth. FML

#21445738
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22826) - you deserved it (2564)

On 07/22/2015 at 11:18pm - health - by skyllabeauty1234 - United States (California)

Today, on the bus, my blood sugar level got too low and I passed out. When I came to, the woman next to me was hitting me, saying she needed to get off and that she didn't have time for my "stupid fucking prank". FML

#21445474
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29679) - you deserved it (2036)

On 07/22/2015 at 1:35pm - health - by qhorin halflung (woman) -

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

#21483983
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22820) - you deserved it (7331)

On 10/24/2015 at 10:47pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I realised that my closeted gay friend has dated more women this year than I have in my 28 years of life. FML

#21453604
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24661) - you deserved it (2564)

On 08/08/2015 at 8:03pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (North Somerset)

Today, in the second week of August, hell has come to earth; my mom has been playing Christmas music all afternoon and is already searching online for decorations. I hope she buys a length of rope to go with them, because I've already given up on life. FML

#21453582
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23308) - you deserved it (2677)

On 08/08/2015 at 6:52pm - misc - by brbkillingmyself - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

#21452247
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26604) - you deserved it (2333)

On 08/05/2015 at 1:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got fired from my childcare job of five years because the other staff weren't as popular with the kids, so they accused me of being "creepy" because the kids all wanted to play a game with me instead of them. FML

#21463241
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27541) - you deserved it (1492)

On 09/01/2015 at 12:40am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it's been so long since I heard from him, I had to look at my boyfriend's Facebook page to see if we're still in a relationship. FML

#21485493
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21853) - you deserved it (4822)

On 10/28/2015 at 3:48pm - love - by feeling single - United States (California)

Today, it's been a week since I started farting in my sleep for no apparent reason. It's so frequent and so foul-smelling that my husband and I are both losing sleep and are having to take afternoon naps to make up for it. FML

#21457512
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20937) - you deserved it (2458)

On 08/18/2015 at 6:59am - misc - by Fartnonymous (woman) - Qatar (Ad Dawhah)

Today, I got called into work on my day off. I ended up being written up for being 15 minutes late to a shift I didn't even have. FML

#21492525
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26004) - you deserved it (1622)

On 11/14/2015 at 4:08pm - work - by hell - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I won't be able to attend my own wedding, because I'll be in a mandatory training class that doesn't allow people to take vacation for any reason. So now we've wasted $10,000, and I can't even fly home for one day. All because I got promoted unexpectedly. FML

#21461761
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26215) - you deserved it (2099)

On 08/28/2015 at 4:05pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Friuli-Venezia Giulia)



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