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Today, it's my wedding day. I have a cold sore that makes me look like The Joker. Make-up won't cover it and the emergency medicine my doctor gave me only irritates it more. My future husband asks, "Why so serious?" and laughs whenever he sees me. Fantastic. FML

#20633099
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41645) - you deserved it (3518)

On 04/30/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by sharibaby (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML

#20636797
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45306) - you deserved it (13420)

On 05/02/2013 at 11:59am - intimacy - by MommaAnnie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

#20657778
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47422) - you deserved it (3937)

On 05/12/2013 at 1:20am - health - by those_allergies - United States (Oregon)

Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML

#20692945
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46649) - you deserved it (3454)

On 05/29/2013 at 11:21am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I returned home from an extended vacation only to find out my cousin wasn't kidding when he said he was going to steal my boyfriend. I thought I was dating a straight guy. FML

#20761976
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43398) - you deserved it (3202)

On 07/03/2013 at 4:56pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my work gave me a vacation for my performance. It's a trip to somewhere in the Caribbean, with the nickname "The Sunniest Place on Earth." I have skin cancer. FML

#20706766
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51021) - you deserved it (3738)

On 06/05/2013 at 12:22am - health - by TooSunnyForSkin - United States (Indiana)

Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying: "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML

#20746882
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39436) - you deserved it (5507)

On 06/25/2013 at 5:45pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I left hospital after a three-night stay. Whilst waiting for my taxi to arrive, my mother called me in hysterics wanting to know where I was, because the police had called her and told her I had gone missing. Turns out my doctor "forgot" to tell anyone that I was discharged. FML

Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML

#20736581
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38619) - you deserved it (7728)

On 06/20/2013 at 1:49am - misc - by ohmygod (man) - United States

Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML

#20777593
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20583) - you deserved it (49945)

On 07/12/2013 at 12:35pm - misc - by hellbound (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that when my crush leans in to kiss me, I get so nervous I throw up. Then throw up again thinking about how embarrassed I am. FML

#20841404
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44927) - you deserved it (7145)

On 08/17/2013 at 4:24am - love - by love-shot - United States (Kansas)

Today, I won a lottery at my local grocery store. Excited, I went to claim my prize, only to discover it was a bottle of red wine. I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

#20858175
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41205) - you deserved it (3026)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:47pm - misc - by notsolucky - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

#20857254
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46616) - you deserved it (3484)

On 08/27/2013 at 11:11pm - love - by the other man - United States (Arkansas)



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