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Today, the only girl I really loved said to me: I want you to be the father of my child, but I don't want to be your girlfriend. FML

#1230
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25654) - you deserved it (1668)

On 01/15/2009 at 11:12am - love - by J.Smith - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know". FML

#12002
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46432) - you deserved it (3905)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by iamnotfat (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

#27684
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74723) - you deserved it (3970)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:09pm - misc - by sober (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went bowling with my mom and she paid for 2 games. By the 6th frame of game 1 she was bored and to get her money back for both games she told the employees I shit my pants. I'm 17. FML

#79689
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53014) - you deserved it (3292)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:47pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while showering in my dorm, a hand reaches through the curtain and grabs my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized and he had sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML

#268539
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71106) - you deserved it (3268)

On 03/11/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was leaving a clothing store when the security guard stopped me and demanded that I surrender the clothing I was "trying to steal" by hiding it under my shirt. It turns out, he was just looking at my pot belly. FML

#882663
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51538) - you deserved it (10620)

On 04/09/2009 at 5:16am - misc - by atang (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was working at a grocery store and a man came to my register to ask for the price of a mop. I took the mop from him to scan it without realizing the pole was between his legs. I hit him in the crotch with the pole. FML

#2255530
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37745) - you deserved it (11722)

On 05/24/2009 at 9:35pm - misc - by kiki (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the gym to lift weights because my arm muscles are pathetic. In order to use a machine, I needed to pull out a knob to adjust the seat setting. After an embarassing struggle, a worker came over and helped me. Turns out I'm not even strong enough to adjust the seat settings. FML

#3440456
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35996) - you deserved it (7062)

On 07/02/2009 at 11:06pm - misc - by Heethersays (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my daughter asked me if we can make sticker art. Of course I said it was ok so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

#2935296
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36100) - you deserved it (5476)

On 06/16/2009 at 6:35am - kids - by inboxbuddies (woman) - Saudi Arabia (Ash Sharqiyah)

Today, I was supposed to work with this girl I really like but I had the flu really bad. I really really wanted to see her so I forced myself out of bed and went to work feeling terrible but determined to see her face. When I got to work I asked where she was. She had called in sick with the flu. FML

#3380750
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36289) - you deserved it (16404)

On 06/30/2009 at 11:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML

#2885254
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44312) - you deserved it (3463)

On 06/14/2009 at 1:28pm - misc - by stolenbike (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML

#3469225
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37871) - you deserved it (3176)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:18am - animals - by Grossedouttt - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents set up out the back so we decided to go in one. When we came out we got weird looks. It turns out my friend had turned on some lights behind the tent, showing a huge silhouette of me giving head. FML

#5102610
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9137) - you deserved it (30168)

On 09/07/2009 at 10:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)



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