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Today, I wore myself out cooking, preparing tasty little dishes for my sweetheart. I heard him arrive and shout as he went up the stairs, "It stinks of shit in here! Have you been cooking?" I threw everything in the bin. We can eat sandwiches. FML

#577
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21754) - you deserved it (2685)

On 12/23/2008 at 1:47am - misc - by zazadudu - Sent from mobile version

Today, in the forest, I hit my foot against a half-buried metal thing. I dug into the ground, and found a beautiful box, heavy enough to not be empty. I imagined myself with gold coins. Inside was the corpse of a cat. FML

#1817
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21163) - you deserved it (5041)

On 01/20/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by mainche - Sent from mobile version

Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come round hers to get my pyjamas back. She replied: “I’m keeping them just in case...”- “In case of what?”- “In case I want to dress up like an asshole”. FML

#1859
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5646) - you deserved it (16091)

On 01/20/2009 at 9:01am - love - by dude - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

#2324
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20345) - you deserved it (2792)

On 01/23/2009 at 10:41am - misc - by Nik - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

#2620
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6053) - you deserved it (48903)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by Timmy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i'm gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

#3435
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34499) - you deserved it (27576)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by GavinHosler - United States (Michigan)

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

#86332
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62601) - you deserved it (2601)

On 02/20/2009 at 4:24am - misc - by OutoftheLoop (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, I got a call from my friend who invited me to a theme party. It was a goth theme, and I decided to get real into it. I put on a trench coat, black skin tight pants, and black paint under the eyes. When I got there I was greeted by a kid in a pink popped collar. It wasn't a theme party. FML

#190335
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40784) - you deserved it (6532)

On 03/02/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by nerd (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I had an art class with my girlfriend. The teacher assigned "anti-cards", or cards for unusual or bad occasions. My girlfriend decided to make a "break-up" card, and I helped her write the poem inside it. After class, she gave it to me. FML

#5251989
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37125) - you deserved it (5466)

On 09/14/2009 at 2:54pm - love - by UnluckyArtist (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter ran up to a librarian working in the kids section and screamed "MOMMY!" and hugged her. She looked at her and said "I'm not your mommy." My daughters reply: "I know. But you're better than mommy" FML

#849178
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70065) - you deserved it (6958)

On 04/07/2009 at 3:32am - work - by Windstar (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to the beach on the cote d'azur and the lifeguard told me that even though there were two jellyfish in the bay, it was safe to swim. Five minutes into swimming, I got stung twice. FML

#3476155
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30967) - you deserved it (5776)

On 07/04/2009 at 8:10am - health - by michellekel (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. I went into hospital to get it put in a cast, but still went into school afterwards. I got written up for truancy because I didn't have a doctor's note. The cast was still on my arm. FML

#5328146
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34268) - you deserved it (2713)

On 09/18/2009 at 4:06am - misc - by London (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend across the street. I was walking with a girl whom I'd been hooking up with and wanted to make my ex-girlfriend jealous. I kissed her and she immediately smacked me. I got a "ha-ha" text message from my ex. FML

#142749
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14327) - you deserved it (84815)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)



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