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Today, I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment when I told her I didn't have a condom. She started laughing and upon realizing my look of confusion, said "Oh, you actually thought I was going to have sex with you?" FML

#54081
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54015) - you deserved it (16173)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by pineapple456 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimers. FML

#117948
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44816) - you deserved it (7014)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by Originality18 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was eating nacho chips with my nieces when I started to feel that some were wet. I look at my niece and notice she was sucking on the chips, and putting them back in the bag. FML

#169067
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48198) - you deserved it (6338)

On 03/01/2009 at 9:14am - kids - by Aliya (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a birthday party for my friend's daughter. I picked up a gift for the girl and another for her parents. I got the mother a cute little garden stone that read "What our children see in the world depends on what we show them." Later, I found out her daughter is blind. FML

#334841
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64439) - you deserved it (15785)

On 03/15/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was at lunch with my grandpa and my sister. My grandpa looks over at my sister and says, "Wow. You're so beautiful." Right after, he turns to me and says, "And you have a nice coat." FML

#517502
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59864) - you deserved it (3777)

On 03/21/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by al0406 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise 'moving in' party. FML

#495382
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59766) - you deserved it (4117)

On 03/20/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by TrailerTrash (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to surprise-visit my grandparents. After knocking on the door and not getting a response, I opened it and walked in. Upon entering their house and yelling, "Hello", as I turned the corner I saw my near-deaf grandmother folding clothes while watching TV. She was topless. FML

#572607
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52589) - you deserved it (13640)

On 03/24/2009 at 6:18am - misc - by kha (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I jokingly went over to a an attractive female co-worker and said "you look like you need a hug". She told me she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to be touched. No more than 30 seconds after our encounter she ran to give one of our more attractive male co-workers a hug. FML

#828756
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52128) - you deserved it (9581)

On 04/06/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by Lastsecondstand - United States (New York)

Today, I was sitting at my computer, listening and singing along to some music. I started singing louder, thinking that I was pretty good. Just then, my mom comes barging through the door in a frenzy saying, "Are you all right? Are you hurt?" FML

#914875
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38265) - you deserved it (13479)

On 04/11/2009 at 1:36pm - misc - by awesome (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, when I was walking in to the grocery store, a van pulls up and a bunch of guys get out who look really drunk. I jokingly said to the sober-looking man who had driven the van "Sucks you have to be the designated driver!" Turns out the "Drunk" guys were actually mentally challenged. FML

#1178108
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13845) - you deserved it (61900)

On 04/20/2009 at 11:14pm - misc - by dummy441 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I finally got cleared after my knee surgery and wanted to go salsa dancing with a girl I liked. So we went and I thought I would show off a little bit and try to dip her and kiss her. Turns out my knee isn't strong enough and now she won't talk to me after dropping her on the floor. FML

#1414687
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22705) - you deserved it (41706)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:50am - love - by Mikey (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting this little girl. She told me she wanted to go to the park so we did. When we were walking back, I was caring her on my back. When were almost at the door, she told me she had to go pee. I told her to hold it. As we were walking in the door I felt a warm spot on my back. FML

#1589486
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41033) - you deserved it (15360)

On 05/03/2009 at 11:15am - kids - by Dumbblonde (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I picked up my passport, as my previous one was damaged in a car crash. As the teller warns me that a pattern of damaged passports will result in longer processing periods, she spills her coffee - all over my new passport. I'm supposed to go overseas in a month. FML

#1707668
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55669) - you deserved it (1927)

On 05/07/2009 at 12:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)



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