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Today, I ran into a former co-worker who I hadn't seen in years. She was raving at how I hadn't aged a bit, but before I could thank her she said, "But, you know, chubby people age better." FML

#20492811
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25960) - you deserved it (3211)

On 02/04/2013 at 7:17am - work - by Colleen Nichols - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML

#20504918
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10682) - you deserved it (25120)

On 02/13/2013 at 11:45am - misc - by oh my dad - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML

#20540823
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34823) - you deserved it (5496)

On 03/12/2013 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I uploaded a new Facebook profile photo, which got over 20 likes in the space of an hour. The most I've ever gotten before was 10. Surprised, I went to check my picture again, only to notice two guys were sarcastically flipping me the bird in the background. FML

#20514955
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26668) - you deserved it (7577)

On 02/20/2013 at 2:48pm - misc - by club goer - Canada

Today, I had to sneak out of work early to pick my 14-year-old son up from school. He and a friend had been found covered in Astroglide, racing each other down the corridor on their bellies. My boss noticed my absence from work, and now my son and I are both on suspension. FML

#20526049
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27222) - you deserved it (8762)

On 02/28/2013 at 7:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while working in childcare, we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey", the kids lost their shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML

#20550321
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31864) - you deserved it (2801)

On 03/19/2013 at 1:00am - work - by seriously! - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after my 5-year-old finally got over his grandmother's death, we went to a store and saw a lady that looked exactly like her. She came up to us asking if we saw her grandson; I can't get my son to stop freaking out. FML

#20535134
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36854) - you deserved it (2157)

On 03/07/2013 at 8:55pm - kids - by Maxie - United States (Ohio)

Today, at a romantic dinner my boyfriend was treating me to, the waiter brought a "Will you marry me?" cake out with candles and sparklers. I probably should have checked that they'd brought it to the right table before dramatically screaming "Yes!" and jumping into my boyfriend's arms. They hadn't. FML

#20559787
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38534) - you deserved it (6664)

On 03/25/2013 at 5:45pm - love - by franky (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

#20548943
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48256) - you deserved it (14400)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:59am - intimacy - by Susan (woman) - Ireland

Today, I seemingly decided not to remove my foot from the pedal-clip of my bicycle until I had properly introduced myself to the cement. FML

#20572944
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24732) - you deserved it (5947)

On 04/03/2013 at 8:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

#20588088
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13435) - you deserved it (99810)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by could be an fml commenter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at my aunt and uncle's house. I went to the bathroom and after I washed my hands, I took a Q-tip out of the carton to clean my ears. When I reached for a second one, I noticed that every Q-tip in the carton was actually already used. FML

#20643700
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44986) - you deserved it (7513)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:10pm - health - by grossed out - United States (Illinois)

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML

#20636996
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60754) - you deserved it (7095)

On 05/02/2013 at 2:27pm - love - by Jes_jes18 (woman) - United States



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