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Today, I mentioned to my girlfriend that I'd sent in a job application after she went home. In front of her parents. Who thought she'd stayed the night at a friend's place. FML

Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

#21304429
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40888) - you deserved it (5097)

On 11/23/2014 at 11:34am - intimacy - by 404: fuck not given (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

#21304063
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30072) - you deserved it (4942)

On 11/22/2014 at 7:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my husband told his parents that he was quitting his job so that he could focus on school. They asked him what he was going to do for money. When I told them that I'd be the one working, they took one look at me and burst into laughter. FML

#21230924
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41594) - you deserved it (4000)

On 08/06/2014 at 12:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

#21260355
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41519) - you deserved it (4361)

On 09/17/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by HappilyNeverAfter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

#21259401
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38447) - you deserved it (3352)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

#21261392
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41208) - you deserved it (3978)

On 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm - health - by tbree - United States (California)

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

#21319149
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30019) - you deserved it (5736)

On 12/17/2014 at 1:47pm - misc - by RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I accidentally spilled a big glass of water on the table, where I had some papers, my cellphone, and a box of donuts. With lightning reflexes, my sister heroically jumped forward and saved the donuts. FML

#21338246
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26212) - you deserved it (8594)

On 01/16/2015 at 12:09pm - misc - by phones - United States

Today, my young daughter came up to me, grabbed my face and said, "I'm putting you in the garbage." When I laughed and asked why, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "You are trash." FML

#21346789
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29467) - you deserved it (3343)

On 01/30/2015 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML

#21349905
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31956) - you deserved it (3066)

On 02/04/2015 at 8:21pm - misc - by jamienicole1993 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while getting ice cream with a friend, her car got broken into. Nothing was taken except my backpack, which contained assignments making up 50% or more for grades in four separate classes. FML

#21399187
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30968) - you deserved it (2447)

On 04/24/2015 at 7:58pm - misc - by Caroline1812 (woman) - United States (Utah)



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