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Today, a friend sent me a song. I didn't have time to listen to it all, so I listened to the first 30 seconds of it to get a feel for it. It was nice and uplifting, so I sent it to my mom. Turns out, after the first 30 seconds, the singer brightens his day by singing about his enormous penis. FML

#21366785
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25781) - you deserved it (12571)

On 03/02/2015 at 7:48pm - misc - by Microtron - United States (Ohio)

Today, I told my younger brother that I'm a lesbian. Now he keeps asking me if I want to play rock, paper, vagina. FML

#21390758
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30278) - you deserved it (5222)

On 04/09/2015 at 4:24pm - love - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I came home from a crazy costume party and took a hot shower. When I opened my eyes and saw the water running from my head was bloody, I freaked out and called my friend for help. She had to remind me that for the party, I'd coloured my hair red with washable hair dye. FML

#21376371
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24412) - you deserved it (16442)

On 03/17/2015 at 12:52pm - health - by Iwtumn (woman) - Austria

Today, I decided to wax my eyebrows. My entire eyebrow came off. FML

#21421754
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22799) - you deserved it (13245)

On 06/06/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Eyebrowless (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a theatre performance. I had to put on a lot of makeup for the role, and one of the guys said I looked nice. I smiled and said thanks. Seconds later, I'd been sucker-punched by his girlfriend for "flirting" with her man. FML

#21396780
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29719) - you deserved it (2101)

On 04/20/2015 at 10:45am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

#21390746
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15789) - you deserved it (39609)

On 04/09/2015 at 4:11pm - work - by Distracted (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, after frantically searching my house and office and calling every place I'd visited in the last 24 hours, I finally found my phone in my fridge. FML

#21402394
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25531) - you deserved it (6498)

On 04/30/2015 at 2:48pm - work - by nerderer (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

#21398963
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31511) - you deserved it (3838)

On 04/24/2015 at 11:07am - intimacy - by someoneneedsassistance - United States (Virginia)

Today, I finally had sex after a year-long dry spell. It caused an ovarian cyst to rupture and ended up with me in the ER. I'm afraid to ever have sex again. FML

#21515546
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21327) - you deserved it (1832)

On 01/15/2016 at 11:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I pulled up to a red light. My ex was in the next car, and my car's windows are so tinted that you can't see through them, so I flipped him off. I was driving my mom's car. FML

#21396485
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15199) - you deserved it (28886)

On 04/19/2015 at 9:39pm - love - by queenbitch - United States (Michigan)

Today, while we were at a work party, I noticed a drunk lady in the mix. I pointed out to my boss how dumb she looked. It was his daughter. FML

#21412921
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27136) - you deserved it (13428)

On 05/20/2015 at 8:03am - work - by boss_daughter - United States

Today, I took a nap. My boyfriend took this opportunity to go over to his "beautiful" and "amazing" ex-girlfriend's house to help her clean out her pool. I told him I didn't think that was appropriate. He told me I don't value relationships and didn't come home tonight. FML

#21429410
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25179) - you deserved it (2408)

On 06/21/2015 at 6:16am - love - by bev_rogan - United States (Indiana)



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Friday 5 February 2016

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