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Today, I realized that the redneck, hick, abusive family that my co-workers always joke about is my family. FML

by anon / 10/11/2011 at 7:52am / United States / Work

Today, I convinced my teacher to let me resit a very important test I failed. I got a lower score the second time around. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2011 at 12:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my landlord came and beat on my door demanding the rent check. I just got home from a trip and my wife was supposed to pay it while I was away. What happened to the money? Black Friday. FML

by kittyslayer / 12/14/2011 at 9:46pm / United States / Holidays

Today, another employee scolded me for being "socially awkward". The same employee who just before had a 10 minute discussion with a client about her poop. FML

by me / 12/19/2011 at 10:53pm / United States / Work

Today, the office tough guy learned how to use the fire extinguisher. On me. I wasn't on fire. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2012 at 9:58pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2012 at 12:16am / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I walked into two things. The first was a spiderweb. The second, due to blind panic, was oncoming traffic. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2012 at 7:39am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got extremely wasted and decided to take a shower with my boyfriend. What seemed like a good and sexy idea turned into us falling and getting wedged in the bathtub. FML

by cfaul001 / 02/29/2012 at 12:41pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I returned to my university residence following spring break. I was greeted by a letter stating I'd been caught on camera vandalising a wall repair. At the time in question, I was asleep on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The REZ coordinator is avoiding me, and I can't clear my name. FML

by CutePenguin / 03/17/2012 at 6:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into the kitchen to eat some breakfast. I got a full visual of my drunk neighbor dancing naked in my backyard. FML

by vanorav / 03/17/2012 at 10:41pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my company announced a new name. They also announced new coffee mugs with the name on them. They've not announced raises in over 3 years. FML

by glens / 03/22/2012 at 2:17am / United States / Work

Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML

by uh-oh / 03/25/2012 at 1:49am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I discovered that the stream of water that periodically falls onto the ground outside my apartment window isn't actually water. The guy above me regularly pees out of his window onto his balcony. FML

by deadgrass / 03/28/2012 at 8:44pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous