Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I went onto my computer and found a cyber sex conversation between my sister and my girlfriend. FML

by / 12/31/2008 at 10:49pm / Intimacy

Today, I fell in love with a girl who used to love me. She doesn't anymore. FML

by Faxshadow / 01/07/2009 at 12:00pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Love

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

by glittercat / 01/26/2009 at 6:44pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know". FML

by iamnotfat / 02/06/2009 at 5:14pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my dad and a construction worker were having a long talk. I heard the door slam, and assumed that this worker had left. So I yelled out "Hey dad what were you talking about? Did you talk slowly so the idiot could understand?" Turns out my dad was the one who had walked out. FML

by anashaalmajiid / 03/05/2009 at 6:26pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML

by Noname / 03/13/2009 at 7:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML

by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 5:06am / United States (Texas) / Geek

Today, our school had tryouts for chorus. Everybody sang a snippet of the song together until the teacher stopped us, saying it sounded awful. He singled me out and told me to sing alone. After I sang the part, he said, "Son, your gift to God will be silence." FML

by Sebastian / 03/17/2009 at 7:06pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

by unloved / 03/23/2009 at 2:34pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML

by androgynous / 03/30/2009 at 1:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, my cat kept sneezing all morning so I took her to the vet. $150 later and the vet says she's fine. I get home and the noise starts up again. My automatic air freshener spray sounds just like my cat sneezing. FML

by catlover / 05/20/2009 at 5:07am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, at my job in a chemists, I had a customer ask me which acne cream I would recommend. I picked up the brand I use and told her that I've been using it for a year now. After pausing to stare at my face for a second, she thanked me and picked up the competing brand instead. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2009 at 12:32pm / Russian Federation (Moscow City) / Work

Today, I drove an hour in a rainstorm to go see my boyfriend. Thirty minutes and a blow job later, he tells me he's going to meet some friends for dinner in half an hour then kicks me out of his house. It's still raining. FML

by rained / 02/02/2009 at 12:44am / Hong Kong / Intimacy