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Today, my new antidepressants finally kicked in. I switched to them to try to control my anxiety. Turns out that the most common side effect, funnily enough, is nervousness. Guess I should've done more research. FML

by BigHelp / 07/07/2015 at 8:52pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, for some reason entirely beyond my knowledge, Siri referred to me as "Sugartits". FML

by anonymous / 07/19/2015 at 9:23pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. I was depressed so I went to the only bar in town. When I asked for a drink, I found out she works there as the bartender. FML

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

by WhatTheFuck / 07/30/2015 at 11:30am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML

by lefthandspanker / 08/27/2015 at 12:34pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's the day before my friends' wedding. My dress has not yet been shipped from the online shop where I ordered it three weeks ago, the hand-crafted gift that was ordered last month is trapped at customs and my cats have just managed to open the drawer and eat the wedding card. FML

by myrkes / 09/10/2015 at 7:09am / Switzerland (Thurgau) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my bank charged me $50 for not having any money. Way to go bank, way to go. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2015 at 9:21pm / Canada / Money

Today, I heard my boyfriend telling a female friend that his ex was so gorgeous and out of his league that it made him feel inadequate, and so he now only dates within reach. She told him he's hot enough to have anyone he wants. 30 seconds later they were tongue-deep in each other's throat. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2015 at 7:25am / Germany (Hessen) / Love

Today, I found out that my fiancé's sister, who only got engaged a couple of months ago, is getting married before us. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she wasn't planning her wedding to be exactly like ours will be. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2015 at 12:00am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a pansy and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2015 at 7:41am / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend emotionally proposed over dinner, and I said yes. Soon after he left, he tweeted "I just fucked up...." and a few minutes later called me and claimed the proposal was a prank. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2015 at 1:04am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if you mix beer, an axe, shotgun shells and bad judgment, you get a rather expensive hospital stay. FML

Today, my brother got his very first paycheck and blew it all on weed and a godawful tattoo, whereas I have been saving steadily for three years. Yet according to mum and dad, I'm the one who is irresponsible with money, because if I was being responsible I'd have enough for my own house by now. FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2015 at 4:53pm / United States / Money