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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

#20881721
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32332) - you deserved it (5320)

On 09/15/2013 at 12:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I was adopted when my drunk dad made a terrible Star Wars joke. FML

#20893338
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37130) - you deserved it (2291)

On 09/23/2013 at 6:49pm - misc - by theynamedmeluke (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and splashed me like in a cheesy movie. As if that wasn't annoying enough, the driver had to pull over because she was laughing too hard. FML

#20907968
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41633) - you deserved it (2678)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by CelibateHero (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, a cute guy ditched his date and walked up to me, calling me beautiful. Not knowing how to reply, I just blushed. His date got angry and left. "Sorry. I take that back," he then said. "I was just trying to get rid of her. Thanks anyway." FML

#20906907
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46861) - you deserved it (2987)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:37am - love - by okaythen (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

#20949324
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38134) - you deserved it (7803)

On 11/07/2013 at 6:08pm - misc - by Where is the faith in Humanity - United States (Washington)

Today, I got into a fight with a lawn chair. It won. FML

#20961117
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27307) - you deserved it (9926)

On 11/17/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by what_a_loner - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

#21038657
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30334) - you deserved it (3440)

On 01/24/2014 at 7:34pm - misc - by PangolinScholar (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML

#21000427
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32605) - you deserved it (7076)

On 12/21/2013 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

#21011563
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38113) - you deserved it (2906)

On 12/31/2013 at 12:47pm - misc - by awkword (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML

#21054564
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30066) - you deserved it (15712)

On 02/08/2014 at 3:54pm - misc - by fuck you, dad (man) - United States (California)

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

#21069793
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16162) - you deserved it (33829)

On 02/23/2014 at 9:22pm - health - by owmyfoot - United States (California)

Today, I met my boyfriend's adoptive family. There was his mom and several brothers, one of whom tried to hit on me. They tried to convince my boyfriend to break up with me, and his mom told me I'll probably get knocked up by the brother who hit on me. FML

#21074608
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42557) - you deserved it (2991)

On 03/01/2014 at 1:09am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

#21104962
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35695) - you deserved it (5427)

On 04/05/2014 at 3:14am - intimacy - by armtits and big pits - United States (Florida)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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