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Today, I tried to have a fun night out. I met a guy and we went back to "his" place, which turned out to actually be his mother's house. He introduced me to her. Two hours later, I knew his life story and had to do the walk of shame without ever getting anywhere near his bedroom. FML

#20965857
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47111) - you deserved it (9383)

On 11/21/2013 at 3:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, a customer threatened to come back later and shoot the whole place up. Why? I didn't give him a discount on his beer. My boss's reaction when I called the police: "Why didn't you give him the discount?!" Last week he bitched me out for letting a girl off for being a few cents short on hers. FML

#20983086
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40527) - you deserved it (2873)

On 12/06/2013 at 6:37pm - work - by eat my fucking ass, boss (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my family and I were having turkey for dinner. My boyfriend leaned in towards me and muttered, "I'll stuff your turkey later". Everyone heard and the whole room went dead silent. FML

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

#21055293
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34184) - you deserved it (6093)

On 02/09/2014 at 12:00pm - misc - by jigglepuff - United States (Arizona)

Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

#21089223
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33714) - you deserved it (4929)

On 03/17/2014 at 5:48pm - misc - by Bandking (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML

#21098025
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38426) - you deserved it (4765)

On 03/27/2014 at 8:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a history project back that I worked very hard on. The teacher didn't bother to write any feedback, besides, "Did you even understand the assignment?" on the back. FML

#21096559
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34107) - you deserved it (5867)

On 03/25/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by student101 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

#21099597
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37521) - you deserved it (3023)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:06pm - health - by unlucky - United States (Florida)

Today, my parents were screaming so loud about who clogged the toilet that a neighbor called the police because they thought someone was in danger. FML

#21152412
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39441) - you deserved it (3604)

On 05/26/2014 at 4:28pm - misc - by dear god why (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mother-in-law confessed that for the longest time, she had fantasies about killing me for "ruining" her daughter's life, basically because I'm not wealthy enough for my mother-in-law's standards. She made sure to let me know the situation hasn't changed at all. FML

#21162663
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42361) - you deserved it (3504)

On 06/04/2014 at 10:34am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, my dad made the local news. The business he owns is so run down and overgrown that it's officially a public health hazard. FML

#21189640
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39068) - you deserved it (4375)

On 06/26/2014 at 9:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my mother came over to check on my new kitten while I was at work. She took a video of the kitten playing on my bed and climbing on my nightstand. Right on top of my vibrator I forgot to put away. I'm not sure if she noticed or not but she's certainly been showing the video around. FML

#21182483
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44412) - you deserved it (13825)

On 06/20/2014 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by misoranomegami (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend's grandma took me to his house to hang out. I then heard her in the kitchen telling his mom how hard she tried to leave me at the nearest gas station. FML



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