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Today, while waiting for the start of a concert, the man behind me decided to pee into a cup. Then the cup tipped over and drained all down my leg. FML

by AllisonMegan98 / 06/25/2014 at 10:54pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML

by unwanted daughter / 07/02/2014 at 11:54am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was in a restaurant bathroom, when another girl walked in. I have anxiety issues, and couldn't leave my stall until the other person went first. She rushed into a stall and had violent diarrhea for a good 10 minutes. FML

by rachelhope / 07/11/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I went to use the porta potty at the construction site I work at and found two homeless people having sex in it. I almost got fired, because my advisor blamed me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2014 at 9:58am / United States / Work

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

by Sinnersinner / 09/21/2014 at 7:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

by tw@ / 09/28/2014 at 11:30am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I woke up to find that my acne has lined itself beautifully in a perfect 'L' shape in the centre of my forehead. FML

by SeriousJoker72 / 10/10/2014 at 9:17pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a girl said to me, "Sorry, but I have a boyfriend". I hadn't said anything to her. FML

by CCrew42 / 11/20/2014 at 7:27pm / United States (Washington) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

by Trainer Calypso / 11/27/2014 at 3:38pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, my husband shaved off his beard. Turns out he looks like my ex. FML

by virgacs / 12/01/2014 at 8:58am / Hungary (Budapest) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML

by crazy cat lady / 12/03/2014 at 6:24pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Animals