Choose the period

Choose a category


Today, I helped my son do his maths homework. He got a C and won’t talk to me anymore. FML

by pinpin / 11/13/2008 at 6:39am / Kids

Today, I learnt that the girl with who I've being going out for 6 months, has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML

by lectro / 11/24/2008 at 1:08am / Love

Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML

by james / 12/14/2008 at 8:14am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I went onto my computer and found a cyber sex conversation between my sister and my girlfriend. FML

by / 12/31/2008 at 10:49pm / Intimacy

Today, I fell in love with a girl who used to love me. She doesn't anymore. FML

by Faxshadow / 01/07/2009 at 12:00pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Love

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

by glittercat / 01/26/2009 at 6:44pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know". FML

by iamnotfat / 02/06/2009 at 5:14pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

by Noname / 03/07/2009 at 11:28pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad and a construction worker were having a long talk. I heard the door slam, and assumed that this worker had left. So I yelled out "Hey dad what were you talking about? Did you talk slowly so the idiot could understand?" Turns out my dad was the one who had walked out. FML

by anashaalmajiid / 03/05/2009 at 6:26pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML

by Noname / 03/13/2009 at 7:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML

by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 5:06am / United States (Texas) / Geek

Today, our school had tryouts for chorus. Everybody sang a snippet of the song together until the teacher stopped us, saying it sounded awful. He singled me out and told me to sing alone. After I sang the part, he said, "Son, your gift to God will be silence." FML

by Sebastian / 03/17/2009 at 7:06pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

by unloved / 03/23/2009 at 2:34pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous