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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was mowing the lawn while wearing gym shorts. Because I had no pockets, I tucked my phone into the waistband of my shorts. I didn't notice my phone had slipped until the lawnmower started making an awful sound. FML

#21233543
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33126) - you deserved it (19490)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:30pm - misc - by ThatsNotGrass (man) - Canada

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

#21222027
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36317) - you deserved it (2510)

On 07/27/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my brother decided to help me artificially age some of my artwork by singeing the edges slightly. Apparently "my brother set fire to my homework" isn't a valid excuse. FML

#21206966
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38391) - you deserved it (5695)

On 07/12/2014 at 12:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

#21226986
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32205) - you deserved it (15526)

On 08/01/2014 at 6:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML

#21227320
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42101) - you deserved it (3368)

On 08/02/2014 at 1:35am - love - by bertiebeth - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got in a minor car accident because my mom had to check how many likes her last photo on Instagram had while driving. FML

#21217675
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39641) - you deserved it (3339)

On 07/22/2014 at 8:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, while working an early shift, I was dressing a wound on a gorgeous guy, when he laughed and pointed out some granny panties next to me on the floor. I guess I forgot to take yesterday's underwear out of my pants before putting them back on this morning. FML

#21223271
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33684) - you deserved it (8783)

On 07/28/2014 at 4:47pm - work - by dorrisdoes - New Zealand

Today, the girl I'm secretly in love with, whom I was talking to on MSN, told me she'd "brb in 10, no wait 20, oh make that 30 min" depending on her boyfriend's stamina. FML

#117
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63397) - you deserved it (8673)

On 10/28/2008 at 7:13am - intimacy - by loon - Sent from mobile version

Today, I need to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone has left work, I decide that, since I AM a jedi, my penis ought to be my Light saber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: “At least someone is having fun!” It was my boss. FML

#523
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7657) - you deserved it (28715)

On 12/15/2008 at 10:58pm - work - by lopez - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML

#532
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25082) - you deserved it (7928)

On 12/17/2008 at 4:40am - love - by Gen - Sent from mobile version

Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML

#2489
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42929) - you deserved it (3313)

On 01/25/2009 at 12:54am - intimacy - by cockblockingbitch - United States (Washington)

Today, I was talking with some of my friends who are girls. They were all complaining about how there was no good boys left to ask to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Hoping for an invite I mentioned I was still availiable. They just laughed at me and invited me to come dress shopping with them. FML

#18079
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37194) - you deserved it (4035)

On 02/09/2009 at 6:47pm - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!" FML

#20313
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93148) - you deserved it (5118)

On 02/10/2009 at 10:08am - misc - by imalilangel05 (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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