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Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

#21352647
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35582) - you deserved it (2788)

On 02/09/2015 at 9:53am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I noticed that my son was less excited about losing a tooth than normal. I asked him what was wrong, he said, "Tyler told me that the tooth fairy died yesterday in a car accident." To which Tyler replied, "You're welcome." FML

#21367147
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29199) - you deserved it (2410)

On 03/03/2015 at 8:14am - kids - by Mommycakes (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML

#21388711
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29184) - you deserved it (1851)

On 04/06/2015 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by therewasnocurtain - United States (Idaho)

Today, I helped my son do his maths homework. He got a C and won’t talk to me anymore. FML

#298
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29746) - you deserved it (16638)

On 11/13/2008 at 6:39am - kids - by pinpin - Sent from mobile version

Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML

#513
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22819) - you deserved it (5875)

On 12/14/2008 at 8:14am - intimacy - by james - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was jacking off casually to a picture of my ex-girlfriend, when all of the sudden, my friend sends me an IM picture of a granny bending over which pops up on my screen. I think my sex life is ruined forever. FML

#539
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16890) - you deserved it (27992)

On 12/17/2008 at 11:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my partner and I were informed by the man we had a three-way with, the first one after having finally screwed up the courage to do it, that he has mono. I don't feel so good. FML

#1345
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9720) - you deserved it (33217)

On 01/16/2009 at 8:36am - intimacy - by fd - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML

#1395
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19524) - you deserved it (9087)

On 01/16/2009 at 5:10pm - misc - by stellarshaun - United States (California)

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

#2562
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17460) - you deserved it (4427)

On 01/25/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Sally - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

#3200106
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33914) - you deserved it (7576)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:17am - misc - by GoldenShower (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

#257838
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57913) - you deserved it (3767)

On 03/10/2009 at 12:20am - love - by nononame (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

#3435497
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35591) - you deserved it (6214)

On 07/02/2009 at 8:12pm - love - by Damnsoup (woman) - United Kingdom (Stockport)



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