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Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

#20752548
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45300) - you deserved it (3427)

On 06/28/2013 at 2:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, the stalker flatmate who has been obsessed with me since I first moved into the flat two years ago, graduated. Apparently he told everyone we are an item, because his parents and relatives were smiling and taking pictures of me from their seats two rows ahead of mine at the ceremony. FML

Today, it's been three weeks since I moved to Germany with my own money, after my company's offices in Spain shut down. I was given a job at the headquarters here, only to have just found out that the whole company is now set to go into liquidation. FML

#20768805
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40256) - you deserved it (2760)

On 07/07/2013 at 3:04pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML

#20866691
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34624) - you deserved it (6281)

On 09/03/2013 at 9:32pm - misc - by JustAnotherFML23 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my friend set up a profile for me on an adult dating site as a surprise. It was a surprise alright. The picture he set as my avatar was one of me stark naked, which I sent to my ex shortly before he dumped me. FML

#20794134
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38103) - you deserved it (8740)

On 07/20/2013 at 1:43pm - misc - by .............. (woman) - Germany (Saarland)

Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered "Fuck it" and left. FML

#20806263
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44020) - you deserved it (3566)

On 07/27/2013 at 12:30pm - love - by Anonycunt (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, this weird kid in class asked me on a date. He claims to be a werewolf. His excuse for not being able to turn into one? A "rare disease." His excuse for everyone rejecting him? "Friend-zoning bitches." I was the last resort even for a jackoff "nice guy" werewolf. FML

#20829503
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36272) - you deserved it (3254)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE, SIR SHITSPAWN!!!1! (woman) - United States

Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, and when the scene came on where the girl is crawling out of the TV, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

#20838885
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42731) - you deserved it (7701)

On 08/15/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by insomniac x2 (woman) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

#20879598
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39677) - you deserved it (6418)

On 09/13/2013 at 1:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Donegal)

Today, I opened up to my parents about my depression. Their response was to have a very heated discussion about whose fault it was. FML

#20929825
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38795) - you deserved it (2962)

On 10/22/2013 at 12:44am - health - by Anonymous - Chile (Region Metropolitana)

Today, while working as a paramedic, we got called to an assisted living home. The medical emergency? The woman had a leak in her bathroom and wanted it fixed. FML

#20931468
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34356) - you deserved it (2222)

On 10/23/2013 at 6:41pm - health - by random - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss came around to my way of thinking. He called our customers a "bunch of assholes" and to kick them out if they gave me trouble. When a lady began yelling at me for "setting the damn prices too high" I told her to leave. My boss soon bitched me out for being unprofessional. FML

#20941693
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36615) - you deserved it (6997)

On 11/01/2013 at 6:47pm - work - by choke on a dick, sir (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

#21011588
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38282) - you deserved it (3730)

On 12/31/2013 at 1:22pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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