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Today, the girl I like asked me to take over her shift at the place we both work at. Being nice, I readily took over. Later, I found out she went on a date with my best friend. He knows I like her. FML

by fezhafeez / 02/23/2016 at 2:26pm / Singapore / Love

Today, I was given a $100 cookbook as a gift by a co-worker. The man who shares a desk with me didn't realise it was mine, as he was at lunch when I got it, so he decided to give it to my boss when he walked in. My boss is refusing to return it. FML

by Kaylz / 03/06/2016 at 11:35pm / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, my wife, the budding environmentalist, who is also 6 months pregnant, threatened to leave me because according to her I'm responsible for the world's deforestation. I'd only drawn her a picture of her with our baby-to-be. FML

by Ecolo-girl / 03/11/2016 at 1:22am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Love

Today, while working in a customer service call center, a customer berated me for using a fake name. He said my name is "too stupid" to be real and that no sane person would ever use it. It was my real name. FML

by mynameisnotstupid / 03/18/2016 at 11:05am / Germany (Bayern) / Work

Today, I have an infected piercing because I'm allergic to the metal. My ear is so swollen that I can't remove the jewelry. It won't get better until I'm able to remove the jewelry. FML

by pierced / 05/01/2016 at 1:56pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was buried in texts from two of my bridesmaids about how much they hated their dresses. Dresses they helped pick. I can either be a bridezilla, put up with this for 4 more months, or ruin two friendships. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2016 at 3:04am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her I was at my dad's house, she clarified; she meant her husband of one year, not my actual father who has raised me for the past 25 years. Apparently, he feels "left out." FML

Today, I helped my son do his maths homework. He got a C and won’t talk to me anymore. FML

by pinpin / 11/13/2008 at 6:39am / Kids

Today, I realized I spend way too much time on the computer. I grabbed the menu at the restaurant, glanced at the page, and tried to do CTRL+F to find seafood. Geek coming through! FML

by Hth / 01/15/2009 at 6:14am / United States (Delaware) / Love

Today, my partner and I were informed by the man we had a three-way with, the first one after having finally screwed up the courage to do it, that he has mono. I don't feel so good. FML

by fd / 01/16/2009 at 8:36am / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy

Today, my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML

by stillsingleladies / 02/17/2009 at 10:27am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was marked absent from my math class because nobody in my class noticed I was there. FML

by Invisible / 02/19/2009 at 10:48am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad and a construction worker were having a long talk. I heard the door slam, and assumed that this worker had left. So I yelled out "Hey dad what were you talking about? Did you talk slowly so the idiot could understand?" Turns out my dad was the one who had walked out. FML

by anashaalmajiid / 03/05/2009 at 6:26pm / United States (New York) / Work