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Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

#20939123
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48600) - you deserved it (8314)

On 10/30/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by goodgrief (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got dragged to dinner with my grandparents. It was awful from the start, but things took a turn for the worse when my grandpa went to give me a kiss on the cheek as we left. I could clearly see lice crawling around in his beard, and I couldn't stop it from touching my face. FML

#20917563
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44137) - you deserved it (3597)

On 10/12/2013 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (South Lanarkshire)

Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist live in Finding Nemo?" I called in and got through. When he asked me the question, instead of the actual answer I quickly gave out my own address over live radio. FML

#20939023
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36777) - you deserved it (17476)

On 10/30/2013 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, after almost 2 days, I finally fell asleep, during my husband's vows, on our wedding day, in front of 250 guests. FML

#20917263
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46335) - you deserved it (10589)

On 10/12/2013 at 3:23am - love - by angryinlaws (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, someone stole my umbrella. It was pouring heavily, and I was using it at the time. FML

#20914908
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39824) - you deserved it (3033)

On 10/10/2013 at 7:27am - misc - by happyturtle (woman) - Croatia

Today, my boyfriend moved out and took all his things with him. He also took some things that didn't belong to him, namely my rent money. My landlord comes tomorrow. FML

#20951618
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42302) - you deserved it (3491)

On 11/09/2013 at 3:41pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my grandma has been running around the neighborhood, dressed as Bobo the Evil Clown, chasing trick-or-treaters. All I've been able to do is chase after her, and apologize to the terrified children's families. FML

#20941017
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38278) - you deserved it (3388)

On 11/01/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by bobosgonnagetyou - United States (Oregon)

Today, I arrived home after leaving for college in August. My dad figured that the most appropriate way to welcome me back was a loud, piercing fart right when I walked through the front door. FML

#20971993
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33151) - you deserved it (4879)

On 11/26/2013 at 11:42pm - misc - by squirts -

Today, I arrived at work six minutes late due to heavily congested traffic. This is just two days after my boss put out a memo saying that anyone who's late to work from then until the new year will have their holiday bonus pay forfeited. FML

#20973886
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41594) - you deserved it (7717)

On 11/28/2013 at 5:03pm - work - by aaannnddd there goes my boner (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my mom got pissed off at my doctor and called him a quack. She did this because he reassured her that I don't show any signs of the mental retardation that she's convinced herself I must have. FML

#20993646
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45760) - you deserved it (3011)

On 12/15/2013 at 4:48pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Croatia (Licko-Senjska)

Today, a guy came into the small coffee shop I work at, and got angry because I wouldn't accept his Starbucks gift card as valid payment. When I told him we clearly aren't a Starbucks, he said "It's all the same shit" and ended up throwing a punch at me. FML

#20999349
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43837) - you deserved it (2921)

On 12/20/2013 at 4:48pm - work - by the customer is always a cunt (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I pretended to cry in front of my cat because she doesn't cuddle with me anymore. Yeah, I tried to guilt-trip my cat into loving me. FML

#21003528
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40273) - you deserved it (10549)

On 12/24/2013 at 11:53am - animals - by PityKitty (woman) -

Today, my boss scolded me for being too friendly to our customers and told me to back off and let them do their thing. Less than an hour after doing as he said, he scolded me again, this time for slacking off and not asking them if they needed help finding stuff. There goes my bonus. FML

#20999504
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41748) - you deserved it (2900)

On 12/20/2013 at 7:30pm - work - by fuck you, boss (man) - United States



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