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Today, the only person to wish me a happy birthday was a survey website. I took their stupid survey out of appreciation. FML

#19391757
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14745) - you deserved it (1290)

On 04/01/2012 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

#19062994
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22379) - you deserved it (4337)

On 02/13/2012 at 2:09am - misc - by cieee - United States (Texas)

Today, despite the fact that I'm really sick, my mom insisted that I come home and help babysit my cousins this weekend. When I got there, everyone else took off to do "errands," leaving me with three hyperactive, howler monkey-like children to deal with. FML

#19467974
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17528) - you deserved it (2040)

On 04/14/2012 at 6:19pm - kids - by Rory - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to explain to my brother why he can't go on dates with my new boyfriend and me. FML

#19469205
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16765) - you deserved it (1774)

On 04/14/2012 at 10:21pm - misc - by ProsserBabe11 (woman) - United States

Today, feeling desperate, I asked my dad for advice on how to get a girl. He asked me why I want to even date. I panicked and said I just wanted to make someone happy. He told me that if I wanted to make someone happy, I should "just start by getting a goddamn vasectomy". FML

#19574398
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16666) - you deserved it (2055)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:01pm - love - by AnonymousUser (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings with finally got bored and let me know I've been texting the wrong number for weeks. FML

#19573313
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21748) - you deserved it (4071)

On 05/04/2012 at 3:14pm - love - by john (man) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML

#20186785
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6960) - you deserved it (21504)

On 12/01/2012 at 3:21pm - health - by fieldmarshalclitter (man) - United States

Today, maintenance came to fix the constantly beeping alarm system near my apartment. They changed it from beeping on-and-off to one never-ending beep, similar to the sound of my sanity flat-lining. FML

#20138046
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17188) - you deserved it (1060)

On 10/29/2012 at 12:31am - misc - by tcm123 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML

#20000913
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15844) - you deserved it (1571)

On 08/03/2012 at 7:50pm - misc - by yeah okay then (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I let a friend borrow a power saw. When I found it on my porch later, the blade was missing and the cord was cut. Looking closer, I realized it was his saw. He kept my new one. He totally denies that he switched them and now won't answer his door. FML

#20128630
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19475) - you deserved it (1702)

On 10/22/2012 at 6:34pm - misc - by petra84 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML

#19829657
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5496) - you deserved it (14840)

On 06/22/2012 at 3:41pm - misc - by hakura madada - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, I was at a job interview. The interviewer spoke to me for a few minutes, then said she would be right back, and left. I was left alone in a room for an hour and a half believing that it was a patience test. They closed the store for the day, leaving me in the interview room. FML

#20040149
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22428) - you deserved it (251)

On 08/24/2012 at 11:31pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML

#20016514
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16904) - you deserved it (1725)

On 08/12/2012 at 5:23am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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