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Today, my mother used global warming as an excuse for not remembering my birthday. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2012 at 4:07pm / Belgium (Brabant Wallon) / Miscellaneous

Today, the only card I got for Valentine's Day was in my mother's handwriting, and she posted it through the front door herself. She still won't admit it's from her. FML

by ThanksMum / 02/14/2012 at 6:56am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML

by workaholic / 02/15/2012 at 6:09am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I went to help a friend move into her new apartment. We were half-way through when it started to rain, and in my anger I yelled that it's like these things happen just to annoy me. Then we heard the tornado sirens. FML

by wtf did I do / 03/02/2012 at 4:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML

by me / 03/14/2012 at 11:19am / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, I was accused of being high. Why? Because I was playing with a milk bottle. FML

by Not_High / 03/23/2012 at 2:18am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to McDonalds and ordered a happy meal with a girl's toy. The high school girls behind the counter said I was too old to be served one, and I had to go home and explain to my sick daughter why she didn't get her toy. FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2012 at 1:48pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was escorted out of the building for getting in a scuffle at my anger management class. FML

by breakfast tea / 04/07/2012 at 3:30pm / Hong Kong / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard a conversation between coworkers, during which my name was mentioned, then, "and then I followed her around for a bit, but she didn’t do it again." Everyone laughed. I've no idea what I did that was so funny. FML

by What? / 04/18/2012 at 9:15pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML

by :| / 04/25/2012 at 2:46pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a party dressed as a zombie. Everyone admired my hilarious "zombie dancing". Those were my regular dance moves. FML

by tinydancer / 05/10/2012 at 2:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a bus stop making small talk with a really nice girl, when all of a sudden some kids let off firecrackers behind me. I shrieked like a little girl and practically jumped into her lap. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2012 at 12:07am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realised that I've been deployed for far too long, when I caught myself looking down the cleavage of a mannequin wearing a bathing suit. FML

by Lonely_Army / 05/25/2012 at 12:03pm / Qatar / Miscellaneous