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Today, I'm three months pregnant. Hours after the father of my baby bought me a wedding ring, he decided to get drunk and tell me that he doesn't see himself with me for the rest of his life, and doesn't really want to get married. Oh and he hates my dog. FML

by Samantha / 06/15/2010 at 2:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I got chased, threatened and assaulted by a cab driver because I wouldn't take the credit card receipt. FML

by Rob / 10/09/2010 at 12:09am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, it took me a full ten minutes to finish on the toilet. I was babysitting at the time, and it took the kids those ten minutes to destroy the kitchen and shave the cat. FML

by nicki / 11/14/2010 at 12:18pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

by dontask / 09/30/2010 at 9:55pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I was disciplining one of my students for behavior, and he started to roll his eyes every time I was trying to teach the lesson. So I threatened to write him up. After looking closely at the student, I realized he has a lazy roaming eye. FML

by qhu / 10/22/2010 at 10:15pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2010 at 10:09pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I woke up in bed with no pillows. I think the guy I slept with stole them. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 10:12pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, before a big client pitch I went into their office bathroom to quickly slick down my hair. It had two identical automatic faucets, one for water and one for hand soap. Now my hair is full of soap, and smells like industrial strength lavender. FML

by soapypete / 10/22/2010 at 9:26am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

by sugar / 10/18/2010 at 8:23am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, after years of hard work, I had an interview at the highest ranking university in the world 800 miles from where I live. It snowed heavily for the last 2 days closing every road, railway, and airport causing me to miss the interview. There is no rescheduling. FML

by hulio88 / 12/06/2010 at 7:37pm / Work

Today, my fencing team took pictures for the yearbook. We were having individual pictures with our weapons, and it was my turn. When the photographer told me to pose, I tried to be super cool by quickly putting my sabre against my chest like some sort of soldier. I poked myself in the eye. FML

by Anonymous / 12/01/2010 at 7:36pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a page long note from her friend talking about my mother's crazy drunk sex stories and describing multiple sexual encounters she had while on a pool table. I am deeply scarred forever. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 7:20pm / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy

Today, I found my iPhone. Too bad it was when I was getting my clothes out of the washer. FML

by Kris / 12/06/2010 at 3:31pm / United States / Geek