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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

#20196008
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21768) - you deserved it (3591)

On 12/08/2012 at 4:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML

#19806951
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20763) - you deserved it (2934)

On 06/18/2012 at 12:05pm - misc - by Myriam (woman) - Maldives (Maale)

Today, the coworker I've had a crush on for the past few months asked me if I was busy Friday night. I was so excited, I immediately replied, "I thought you'd never ask!" He gave me a funny look and said, "Good, because I need you to take my shift." FML

#19999670
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22283) - you deserved it (5116)

On 08/03/2012 at 1:24am - love - by DeeGirlMon (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was singing one of my favorite songs in my car while at a red light. A guy made it a point to get my attention and said, "If you're really going to sing that bad, you should probably roll your windows up." FML

#20126033
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15767) - you deserved it (10474)

On 10/21/2012 at 12:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

#20068205
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24114) - you deserved it (1884)

On 09/11/2012 at 10:24pm - health - by ledentist - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML

#20412747
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10792) - you deserved it (44215)

On 12/22/2012 at 12:01am - love - by Stupid Drunk - United States

Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML

#20195063
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5917) - you deserved it (26434)

On 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm - misc - by Moose (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I accidentally left my textbook at home. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but today was my class final. Since it was an open-book final, I'd decided not to study for it. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML

#20201964
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8370) - you deserved it (32717)

On 12/12/2012 at 2:14pm - misc - by dumbassgrad - United States (California)

Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML

#20406748
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33210) - you deserved it (19080)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by ayye_its_nikki - United States (Texas)

Today, at 24, I still can't grow a single bit of facial hair. Well, at least not on the right side of my face. FML

#20481856
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25420) - you deserved it (1994)

On 01/27/2013 at 8:08pm - health - by ihatemylife - United States (Illinois)

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

#20493802
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26147) - you deserved it (8628)

On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)

Today, l took my new boyfriend to the place where my ex and I used to hook up, only to find out that my ex and his new girl had the same idea. FML

#20517120
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16933) - you deserved it (52593)

On 02/22/2013 at 1:12am - intimacy - by wrongplacewrongtime - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

#20510302
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38737) - you deserved it (9285)

On 02/17/2013 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Notaplacetogo (woman) - United States (California)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #11
  • Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due…

Wednesday 28 January 2015

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