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Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

#19673015
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19125) - you deserved it (3583)

On 05/24/2012 at 2:26pm - work - by thwack - United States

Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML

#19484961
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22126) - you deserved it (1681)

On 04/17/2012 at 4:53pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML

#19605681
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16904) - you deserved it (5132)

On 05/11/2012 at 1:03am - work - by Brown345 (man) - United States

Today, after 5 months of unemployment and hardcore job searching, I got hired for my dream job. I called my mum to tell her all about it, to which she responded, "Great honey! Now all you need to do is lose all that weight". She allowed me all of 4 minutes of feeling good about myself. FML

#19676513
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22749) - you deserved it (2743)

On 05/25/2012 at 12:32am - misc - by daddyowl - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

#19561012
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6372) - you deserved it (28993)

On 05/01/2012 at 10:27pm - misc - by BoomHeadshot (woman) - Australia

Today, my husband told me that occasionally I pick my nose while I sleep. I didn't believe him so he showed me the video he took of it. He wants to post it on Facebook. FML

#19995801
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23024) - you deserved it (3019)

On 08/01/2012 at 1:44am - misc - by Emily (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got to see a waterfall up close. Too bad it was in my bedroom. FML

#19810055
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19960) - you deserved it (1856)

On 06/18/2012 at 11:31pm - misc - by ducklover1 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML

#20047310
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8165) - you deserved it (28793)

On 08/29/2012 at 12:59am - health - by Holly - United States (Colorado)

Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML

#19909832
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21621) - you deserved it (4034)

On 07/08/2012 at 2:32pm - work - by a4rk (man) - Malaysia (Sarawak)

Today, I was walking in Walmart with my dad. We walked past the deodorant aisle. My dad said, "Need any deodorant?" I said, "No thanks." He replied, "That was a hint." FML

#19898795
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10218) - you deserved it (29957)

On 07/06/2012 at 2:52am - misc - by CanadianTwin - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my mom came over to me and whispered something in my ear. I didn't hear it and assumed it was a joke, so I started laughing. Turns out my aunt died. FML

#19939490
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10514) - you deserved it (25087)

On 07/15/2012 at 1:02am - misc - by RIP - United States

Today, an idiot decided it would be fun to light up a firecracker in front of our house. It ended with firetrucks, a black yard, and yet somehow the weeds survived. FML

#19958598
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20466) - you deserved it (1742)

On 07/19/2012 at 11:30am - misc - by ThatGirl (woman) - United States

Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML

#20114676
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18908) - you deserved it (2707)

On 10/13/2012 at 7:22am - kids - by Shiverice - United States (Michigan)



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