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Today, I discovered I can properly operate the television remote with my feet. I then realized that it is pretty much my only talent. FML

#17280926
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22476) - you deserved it (7860)

On 07/27/2011 at 6:21pm - misc - by supergirl7 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was trying to change the batteries of my automatic room freshener. As I held it to my face to figure out where the batteries went, it started spraying on my face. FML

#17965758
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9577) - you deserved it (24025)

On 10/12/2011 at 3:17am - misc - by spoiled22 (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was out with my dog, who loves to bury things. He had recently torn apart his toy and buried it in the sand. I saw a piece of it sticking out of the ground, so I picked it up. It turns out that I was not holding his toy, but rather a dead bat. FML

Today, I woke up to the feeling of someone tickling my back. I quickly realized I haven't been touched in so long that I was smiling to flies landing on me in my sleep. FML

#17730120
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23697) - you deserved it (4068)

On 09/12/2011 at 7:03pm - animals - by GnarCarBar - United States

Today, I was kicked out of my review lecture at community college, for "being a disturbance and refusing to stop whistling." I wasn't even given a chance to explain that I have a cold. FML

#19382867
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20341) - you deserved it (2064)

On 03/31/2012 at 2:53pm - misc - by Alyssa - United States (North Carolina)

Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous, and not thinking, I made comments that included the words "killing", "dying", and "death". I'm a rubbish support system. FML

#19838135
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15324) - you deserved it (6460)

On 06/24/2012 at 7:38am - misc - by Anonymous - Italy

Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML

#19559946
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16584) - you deserved it (3124)

On 05/01/2012 at 7:43pm - misc - by Megannn (woman) - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from preschool. Her teacher handed me her nap blankets and mentioned there was an extra article of clothing I might want to take home. I looked in-between the blankets and saw a pair of my giant granny panties that had gotten mixed in with her stuff. FML

#19462191
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18678) - you deserved it (3979)

On 04/13/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML

#19240246
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13671) - you deserved it (50094)

On 03/08/2012 at 4:48pm - love - by gabbykinz13 - United States

Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML

#20122062
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21600) - you deserved it (2011)

On 10/18/2012 at 2:33am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was practicing for a choir concert that I have next week. My mom walked into my room and listened to me for a little while. After I finished the last song, she smiled, patted me on the head and said, "It's okay honey, I can't sing either." FML

#19590549
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19886) - you deserved it (2494)

On 05/08/2012 at 1:05am - misc - by Ellie (woman) - United States

Today, I called the cops to let them know that a drunk man was driving dangerously down my road. About an hour later, I was going to the store and got pulled over for speeding by the cop I called. FML

#19943890
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7483) - you deserved it (30966)

On 07/16/2012 at 2:04am - misc - by SCdriver (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML

#19966337
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20594) - you deserved it (2104)

On 07/21/2012 at 12:48am - misc - by AussieG75 - United States (Florida)



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