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Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML

#20579736
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25357) - you deserved it (1205)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:00pm - animals - by idontevenlikehamsters - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

#20634792
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52349) - you deserved it (3387)

On 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by DemiRawrs - United States

Today, I went to the gynecologist. In the waiting room they had decorative words that spelled out "Relax" and "Enjoy". FML

#20732921
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25869) - you deserved it (2610)

On 06/18/2013 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, whilst doing it with my girlfriend she goes :"are you done any time soon?" FML

#367
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24459) - you deserved it (4420)

On 11/22/2008 at 7:24am - intimacy - by KaRaSu - Sent from mobile version

Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML

#487
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25074) - you deserved it (4988)

On 12/10/2008 at 2:48am - intimacy - by Sugao - Sent from mobile version

Today, I opened a packet of cereal and it exploded on my keyboard; now, my keyboard crackles. FML

#556
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9549) - you deserved it (6701)

On 12/20/2008 at 3:16am - misc - by Rabzouz - Sent from mobile version

Today, I tried to cuddle Simon, my five year old son. He wriggled away and said: "If you need a teddy bear, go buy one! Or find another Simon!" FML

#697
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20671) - you deserved it (2123)

On 01/03/2009 at 10:55pm - kids - by sly - Sent from mobile version

Today, I marked 600 emails in my gmail inbox as spam and it will take me hours to go through and unmark them. FML

#838
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3165) - you deserved it (14937)

On 01/01/2009 at 11:34pm - work - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was putting a new lightbulb in when my wife walks into the room and says "you can't see a thing, i'll turn the light on for you". And she did. FML

#981
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17780) - you deserved it (1407)

On 01/11/2009 at 11:35pm - misc - by Christoams - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to give a speech in front of my class and during my speech I had to say the words "But six"; however, because of my accent it sounded like "Butt sex". For the remainder of the day I was frequently asked about "Butt sex". FML

#1040
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16188) - you deserved it (539)

On 01/13/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by Explicit - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

#2478
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16188) - you deserved it (5781)

On 01/24/2009 at 7:27pm - kids - by thatsjustgreat - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML

#2777
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15408) - you deserved it (18487)

On 01/27/2009 at 6:22am - intimacy - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

#4119
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17860) - you deserved it (3490)

On 01/31/2009 at 12:24pm - misc - by fuckit - United States (Ohio)



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