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Today, I was eating lunch out side with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

#6795519
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29371) - you deserved it (2443)

On 12/17/2009 at 4:43pm - animals - by ollierocks96 - United States (Florida)

Today, my grandparents thought it would be acceptable to give me and my wife Christmas presents to take to my ex-wife, along with a card saying how much they missed her and to get in touch with them next time she is in town. FML

#6843918
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18737) - you deserved it (2004)

On 12/20/2009 at 8:40am - misc - by B-Rizzle (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old male who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

#7025515
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10911) - you deserved it (1915)

On 12/29/2009 at 11:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML

#6824499
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26260) - you deserved it (1871)

On 12/19/2009 at 4:44am - misc - by embaressed (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a phone call from my cheating ex asking if I would go out with him that night. After 3 years of no contact, I decided to give him another chance and gave him my address for his GPS. I was then told that I lived too far and he didn't want to drive. He cancelled. I live 15 minutes away. FML

#7008039
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8493) - you deserved it (16743)

On 12/29/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by SherryBaby (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my grandma called me to tell me that a couple of cute boys stopped by her house to borrow something. She told them all about me, and that I would be interested in them. My love life is so pathetic, even my grandmother is trying to hook me up. FML

#8394792
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18113) - you deserved it (3730)

On 02/18/2010 at 12:07am - love - by loveless - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I ran 5 miles to catch the bus I take to university after missing my connection. When I got to the bus stop, I realized I had left my U-Pass on my desk at home. On top of the assignment that was due. FML

#7493259
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16878) - you deserved it (5623)

On 01/22/2010 at 2:32am - misc - by noooooo (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

#7493708
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23161) - you deserved it (4736)

On 01/22/2010 at 3:11am - kids - by jazz - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

#7348405
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9731) - you deserved it (15076)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:16pm - intimacy - by nooneatall - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was lying on the couch after having surgery on my stomach. My best friend and my mom thought that laughter would be the best medicine. Due to their medicine, I ripped out half my stitches. FML

#7502542
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26485) - you deserved it (2024)

On 01/22/2010 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I thought I'd wear my snow boots so I wouldn't slip on the ice at work. I crashed my car because I can't feel the pedals with my boots on. FML

#7278086
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7394) - you deserved it (25559)

On 01/11/2010 at 12:53pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML

#10132808
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7826) - you deserved it (36318)

On 04/25/2010 at 6:00am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got into my first car accident. I hit my own parked car while trying to drive my mother's car into the garage. FML

#14207405
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6510) - you deserved it (19465)

On 12/14/2010 at 10:00pm - misc - by dumbass (woman) - United States (California)



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