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Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

#6322729
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18623) - you deserved it (36730)

On 11/16/2009 at 2:32am - love - by Manstobe92 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I decide to take a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted rotten chicken. Turns out my grandma knew I drink her soy milk and decided to swap it with expired chicken broth. FML

#6689235
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8599) - you deserved it (36366)

On 12/10/2009 at 12:41am - work - by souped (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

#6968150
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29509) - you deserved it (3650)

On 12/27/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Fatty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my sister and I got into a fight. I came home to find everything in my room covered in ketchup. FML

#6812101
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25861) - you deserved it (4321)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

#7084392
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25717) - you deserved it (3374)

On 01/01/2010 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by Lovergirl (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

#6949420
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39751) - you deserved it (2222)

On 12/26/2009 at 12:16am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked to the end of my driveway to pick up the newspaper. I read the front page that was talking about people who have been getting hurt from slipping on ice. Laughing about that thought and walking up my driveway, I slip. FML

#7135383
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6449) - you deserved it (31260)

On 01/03/2010 at 10:50pm - health - by fml (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I added some of my own money to the tip jar in the Subway I work at to make myself look less pathetic. FML

#7333301
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11323) - you deserved it (22218)

On 01/14/2010 at 1:59am - work - by OverweightTeen (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After taking the pill, I turned around and smashed my head on the open cabinet door. FML

#7475893
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25695) - you deserved it (7070)

On 01/21/2010 at 3:20pm - health - by imalwaystired - Sent from mobile version

Today, I wanted to remove my mustache hair with hot wax. The hair is still there, but my skin is all burnt dark brown. Tomorrow is my first day at school. FML

#7378045
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23589) - you deserved it (11278)

On 01/16/2010 at 1:16pm - misc - by queenofdeath - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I found out that sitting in the third row at a 3D movie makes me vomit. Today I also found out that the big burly dude in front of me does not appreciate being vomited on. Now I feel nauseous and have a black eye. Not to mention I missed the last part of the movie. FML

#7526935
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22971) - you deserved it (5173)

On 01/23/2010 at 7:15pm - health - by Queasy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML

#7541135
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40849) - you deserved it (3195)

On 01/24/2010 at 9:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was building new fixtures at work. As I assembled the top holding bar on the second section, my boss came up and smacked it to try and scare me. She knocked the top holding bar, which is made of steel, onto my head, and then all the sections went on to fall like dominoes. FML



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