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Today, while working the register, a known mentally-unstable man approached me. He ended up telling me that the Statue of Liberty is sexist and a screw-up by Washington. When I told him that the French made it, he told me to shut up and complained to my manager. He knows me by name now. FML

#20724940
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37366) - you deserved it (4538)

On 06/14/2013 at 1:57am - work - by fubuggie (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, while jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The guy got away. FML

#20764590
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51904) - you deserved it (3018)

On 07/05/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while working at my job at a nursing home, I slipped and fell. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just water. No, one of the residents had just had an "accident". FML

#20740385
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41936) - you deserved it (3421)

On 06/22/2013 at 3:20am - work - by no name - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML

#20759731
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47491) - you deserved it (5029)

On 07/02/2013 at 12:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was doing a demonstration in front of my taekwondo class because I'm flexible. Really flexible. I kneed myself in the face and broke my nose. FML

#20779010
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40736) - you deserved it (9838)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:37am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was using the urinal when another guy came in. His friends decided to scare him while he was using the urinal next to mine. They jumped out at him, he turned around and ended up peeing all over me. FML

#20791582
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47905) - you deserved it (2752)

On 07/19/2013 at 12:29am - misc - by the unfortunate man - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

#20766565
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45515) - you deserved it (4704)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

#20787181
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40364) - you deserved it (8385)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

#20821467
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36346) - you deserved it (8146)

On 08/05/2013 at 1:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, a guy on the bus was nice enough to slide over so I could sit down. Right after, he said, "Fair warning though, I just farted there." FML

Today, I received some unwanted anal sex tips. They were unwanted because I'm not into anal sex, and the tips came from my drunk mom. FML

#20806687
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52316) - you deserved it (4094)

On 07/27/2013 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by moms know best??? (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

#20847854
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42488) - you deserved it (2975)

On 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm - work - by twatstick (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

#20844605
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40096) - you deserved it (3376)

On 08/19/2013 at 12:00pm - misc - by FamilyLoving - United States (New York)



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