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Today, I found my iPhone. Too bad it was when I was getting my clothes out of the washer. FML

by Kris / 12/06/2010 at 3:31pm / United States / Geek

Today, my cute co-worker asked if he could use my computer. I told him my password and went to the bathroom. When I came back he said he'd finished. I tried to log in, but my password wouldn't work. I then noticed a post-it note on the desk saying, "Stop stalking me and I'll change the password back." FML

by Anonymous / 11/24/2010 at 8:18am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Work

Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 8:30am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for the tattoo artist who gave us our matching "love" tattoos. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2011 at 11:19pm / United States / Love

Today, lice were found in my hair. At the hair salon. I'm now banned from that salon. FML

by mojolady / 02/16/2011 at 9:26am / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a picnic. After we finished eating he laid down, closed his eyes, and put his head in my lap. At the exact second that I bent down to kiss him, he jumped up to get the Frisbee. We both have bloody noses. FML

by wtf1234 / 05/02/2011 at 9:41pm / United States / Health

Today, while buying groceries, I noticed that the lady in front of me had left a box behind. I grabbed the box and ran out the door after her. After turning around to find three employees chasing me, I noticed I had just stolen the donation box. FML

by magicman / 04/26/2011 at 12:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Money

Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML

by MrFerret / 05/05/2011 at 11:41pm / Money

Today, I saw my dad chugging a beer in the garage. Why is that so bad? He was hosting an AA meeting in the basement. FML

by Eric / 05/12/2011 at 10:19pm / Health

Today, I made the long drive to work, got out of the car, and realised that I'd forgotten to put shoes on before I left the house. FML

by Hannah / 06/17/2011 at 5:24pm / Ireland (Sligo) / Miscellaneous

Today, the only person I actually spoke with was a prank caller. I tried to have a conversation with him, but he hung up on me. FML

by m2k / 06/20/2011 at 10:59am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, a cop pulled me over and started bitching me out. He was certain I'd been drinking, because, "Nobody goes to Albertacos this late at night unless they're drunk." FML

by tbalboa / 07/01/2011 at 1:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after 14 rice-filled days in China, I came back home. What's for lunch? Rice. FML

by panos016 / 07/15/2011 at 9:51am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous