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Today, my Spanish teacher imitated the sound of a coffee grinder, and then said in Spanish, "OK, all of you do it." I did it, thinking everyone else would too. I was the only one in the class who'd understood the Spanish part. FML

by me / 04/24/2014 at 11:32am / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, my store manager told me I was fired. I'm not sure what's more insulting - that he'd fire me, or that he forgot I haven't worked there in four months. FML

by CapnCrunchKat / 05/09/2014 at 2:06am / United States (Delaware) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got into THE party of the year. Too bad it was the party my daughter was throwing while her father and I were out of town. FML

by jessicab72 / 05/15/2014 at 4:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, the only person in my entire family to show up sober and on time to my graduation was my grandma. FML

by Congrats to me / 05/24/2014 at 7:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, while in the yard, my 18-month-old son decided to take off running into the road, where a car was driving. I rushed after him, only for one of my dress straps to suddenly break without warning. It must have looked like I was trying to flag down the driver with my flailing tit. FML

by icandothecancan / 06/21/2014 at 7:14pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids

Today, I was screamed at by a lady for riding my bike too slowly in front of her car. I was in the bike lane, and so was she. FML

by lrn2road / 06/24/2014 at 11:04am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my dad asked me how I would feel about going on an all-expenses-paid, month-long holiday to the Caribbean. I was ecstatic and broke into tears of joy, saying I'd love it. He replied, "Yeah, me too. Shame it ain't happening!" then left for work, laughing his arse off. FML

by xXshitface4uXx / 07/25/2014 at 6:46pm / New Zealand (Bay of Plenty) / Miscellaneous

Today, I began to sign "I love you" to my boyfriend from across the room. I ended up just poking myself in the eye. FML

by Hopeless romantic / 08/16/2014 at 2:20am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, I found out my sister stole my phone, pretended to be me, and tried breaking up with my boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 07/26/2014 at 11:35am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my husband told his parents that he was quitting his job so that he could focus on school. They asked him what he was going to do for money. When I told them that I'd be the one working, they took one look at me and burst into laughter. FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2014 at 12:57pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

by confidence taken / 08/23/2014 at 2:26am / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2014 at 2:56am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

by tbree / 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm / United States (California) / Health