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Today, at 4:00 a.m., I woke up and realized that I had thrown an expensive gift certificate for a friend in the garbage. Since it was garbage day, I ran out in the rain in my pajamas and rifled through all three bags of garbage. Twice. I found the gift certificate. It was in my pocket. FML

#469671
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24756) - you deserved it (54075)

On 03/19/2009 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML

#3163713
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41508) - you deserved it (10958)

On 06/24/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by Nutty (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I walked past a building site near my house, there was a sign saying "WARNING - Beware of the scaffolding". I started laughing at the stupidity of the sign, and walked straight into a metal pole. FML

#2963436
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6670) - you deserved it (52756)

On 06/17/2009 at 9:40am - misc - by jonnyc - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML

#1052920
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11162) - you deserved it (58339)

On 04/17/2009 at 11:19am - misc - by lalalohan (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was in a video chat with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years, and my mom walks in. The first thing she says is, "Did you close the toilet after you pooped? Cause today on the news I heard that your poop particles can fly up to 25 feet, landing on your toothbrush." FML

#5593248
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30402) - you deserved it (2680)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:09pm - health - by Poop (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was visiting a national park and went for a swim. Afterwards, I needed to change clothes but the bathrooms were closed. I went off into the woods to change. As soon as I was naked, I heard hooves and sixteen people on horseback rode by. I'd stripped by a horse trail. FML

#1973395
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32485) - you deserved it (16789)

On 05/16/2009 at 8:11am - animals - by FishStampede - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I was fired from my job of 5 years. I was let go because I couldn't take the company to 'the next level'. My now ex-boss asked me if I could process my severance check because he didn't know how. I had to write myself my last paycheck. FML

#1315849
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51947) - you deserved it (2313)

On 04/25/2009 at 9:31am - work - by feistychick (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I had just opened up some porn on my laptop when my mom walked into my room, so I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't know the speakers continue to function after the laptop is closed. FML

#5925
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15481) - you deserved it (44620)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:24am - intimacy - by hitmutefirst (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years sent me a text messages saying, "Don't worry I'm gonna break up with her soon. Love you." FML

#10627
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62290) - you deserved it (2631)

On 02/05/2009 at 5:29pm - misc - by nycgirl424 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said "sorry I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML

#38126
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40272) - you deserved it (3570)

On 02/13/2009 at 4:59pm - intimacy - by Mr. Hopeless (man) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment when I told her I didn't have a condom. She started laughing and upon realizing my look of confusion, said "Oh, you actually thought I was going to have sex with you?" FML

#54081
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53917) - you deserved it (16156)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by pineapple456 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimers. FML

#117948
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44735) - you deserved it (7005)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by Originality18 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML

#102962
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64915) - you deserved it (5158)

On 02/22/2009 at 10:10am - intimacy - by Charles (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)



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