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Today, I started training as a bartender. My very first client told me how his wife is sleeping with her sister's husband. He then told me that all the women he knows only want sex, and asked me why "we" were like that. He could be my dad. FML

#20924792
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41888) - you deserved it (4402)

On 10/18/2013 at 1:14am - intimacy - by nerdywaitress (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a friend sent me to a guy he knows who repairs various electronics for a very low price. Good news: he fixed my malfunctioning iPad. Bad news: it took me several hours to notice that he'd carved the words DOUCHE and HIPSTER into the back panel. FML

#20934676
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36473) - you deserved it (7010)

On 10/26/2013 at 3:48pm - money - by fuckyouverymuch - United States (California)

Today, I taught my girlfriend some French. She then used her newfound language to break up with me. FML

#20932181
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40608) - you deserved it (4332)

On 10/24/2013 at 8:52am - misc - by French - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got an angry call to the phone shop where I work. The caller demanded that we give him his money back. His reason? He said he'd been tricked because his phone got ruined by water "even though he was using the waterproof application". FML

#20960536
71 comments

Today, because I'm tall enough to see over the cubicle walls at work, I witnessed my 50-year-old co-worker pulling his finger out of his nose and immediately popping it into his mouth. FML

#20947682
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36564) - you deserved it (4364)

On 11/06/2013 at 12:27pm - work - by Wraith (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML

#20988758
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41812) - you deserved it (6896)

On 12/11/2013 at 8:14am - misc - by pootie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a new chair at work. After spending 3 hours putting it together, I was called into my boss's office and let go. FML

#20979933
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40289) - you deserved it (5181)

On 12/03/2013 at 11:05pm - work - by helpme - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I caught my neighbor picking my flowers out of the planter on my porch. When I said something to her, she ran off and knocked over the planter, smashing it. She is now acting like nothing happened. FML

Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML

#21035197
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38729) - you deserved it (3810)

On 01/21/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Iceland

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

#21055217
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38936) - you deserved it (7485)

On 02/09/2014 at 9:36am - misc - by took it - United States (New York)

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

#21077955
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41711) - you deserved it (2976)

On 03/04/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by fuck you, jack (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

#21101196
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35678) - you deserved it (5227)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

#21107872
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47897) - you deserved it (10539)

On 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by that girl (woman) - United States (Alabama)



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