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Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML

by embarassed / 04/20/2011 at 11:24pm / United States / Health

Today, my boss told me I'm not working hard enough because I take French classes two mornings a week and therefore I won't be getting a promotion. If I want the promotion I have to stop taking my French classes. These are the same French classes I was told I originally needed for the promotion. FML

by French / 05/04/2011 at 1:29pm / Switzerland (Vaud) / Work

Today, I realized that I give the computer screen a thumbs up whenever I see something cool. I work on computers in front of people all day. FML

by helen / 05/09/2011 at 11:44pm / Work

Today, my pants felt a little looser than usual. Thinking I'd lost weight, I proudly went about my day. It wasn't until much later that I realised I hadn't lost any weight at all; my fly was down. FML

by woodchuck0022 / 05/21/2011 at 5:16pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was complimented on my hat by two different people. I wasn't wearing a hat. FML

by AndieApocalypse / 06/03/2011 at 12:21am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was supposed to go on a date. I have been playing solitaire the whole night waiting for him. Out of 15 games, I've won one. FML

by yourmomsabitch / 06/25/2011 at 12:30am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I went to visit my great grandma. I saw that her dog had this red fluid on his ear, so I asked my grandma about it. She said she put red finger nail-polish in his ear so she could tell the difference between 'all' of her dogs. She only has one dog. FML

by emegemerald / 07/04/2011 at 12:13am / United States / Animals

Today, I noticed a woman struggling to work a parking meter, so I went over to help. She took one look at me before screaming, hitting me in the face, and running back to her car. FML

by Username / 07/08/2011 at 4:02pm / United States / Health

Today, it's my birthday. Out of loneliness, I went to order some flowers and a cake "for a friend". The guy who delivered it to my house was the same guy from the counter. FML

by anon / 07/26/2011 at 8:01pm / Israel / Miscellaneous

Today, my new friend and I went out to a concert. When we came back to her house, she ran upstairs and left me alone. Suddenly, a naked man came into my view and I stared at him horrified. Great way to meet her Dad. FML

by noooo / 08/08/2011 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, the clerk at Walmart asked me if the stretch mark cream I was buying was for my wife. I wish I could've said yes. FML

by random0605 / 09/29/2011 at 1:01am / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

by panickygrl / 11/06/2011 at 12:43pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I was watching wrestling videos on YouTube, when my little brother walked in. Later, my little brother told my parents that I was watching naked men on my computer. They won't stop thinking that I was watching gay porn. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2011 at 9:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous