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Today, I was playing with my phone and turned it on lock mode. I changed my lock code a few months ago, so that no one would be able to guess it. Turns out I can't guess it either. FML

#1780717
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10093) - you deserved it (51180)

On 05/09/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by ugheffmylife - United States (California)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

#1847078
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42238) - you deserved it (2626)

On 05/11/2009 at 4:37pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

#842
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41287) - you deserved it (3685)

On 01/03/2009 at 11:48am - intimacy - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, a customer at one of my tables left his phone number and a smiley face on the credit card slip. I was completely flattered until I looked at the bottom of the slip and realized that he had left me a $0.26 tip. FML

#19721
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27713) - you deserved it (2518)

On 02/10/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by appleville (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I stood by the wall at a party while everyone else danced and ignored me. It was my birthday party. FML

#44996
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54490) - you deserved it (10177)

On 02/15/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by Noname - United States

Today, I was feeling really upset and called my boyfriend. He said "Can you feel upset a little later? I'm watching a movie." FML

#69146
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39162) - you deserved it (5337)

On 02/18/2009 at 3:35pm - love - by noname (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

#242557
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50858) - you deserved it (9796)

On 03/08/2009 at 3:08pm - kids - by nutsucker (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML

#250132
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74542) - you deserved it (4650)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:09am - intimacy - by Yulia (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boss called me into his office. I thought I was getting promoted because my sales had been really high lately. My boss shut his door behind me and asked me if I could comb his hair with a lice comb to get rid of his lice. I had to do it to keep my job. FML

#259626
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65300) - you deserved it (2657)

On 03/10/2009 at 9:02am - misc - by Janet - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

#331058
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60624) - you deserved it (9758)

On 03/14/2009 at 10:27pm - misc - by storyofmylife - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML

#278684
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79671) - you deserved it (4933)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by uncomfortable (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I was with a group of friends at a bar, and we were all talking about whether we were moaners, screamers, or quiet during sex. My boyfriend said that he was a moaner, which I contradicted. Completely straightfaced, he said, "Well, I am when it's good." FML

#518430
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68113) - you deserved it (22577)

On 03/21/2009 at 9:16pm - intimacy - by AGluckily (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML

#723787
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54362) - you deserved it (7311)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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