Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

#21197738
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41669) - you deserved it (17450)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm - animals - by Snow-White (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML

#21265865
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34716) - you deserved it (3770)

On 09/26/2014 at 3:44pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

#21261392
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39787) - you deserved it (3586)

On 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm - health - by tbree - United States (California)

Today, I was dressed as a single girl. I wore pajama pants, hoodie with no bra, and carried a plate of pizza around. But it wasn't my costume, I just had nowhere to go for Halloween. FML

#21289481
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32270) - you deserved it (4458)

On 11/01/2014 at 1:59am - misc - by 4evalone (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend. He said it was because he lived 2 hours away, but I think the ultrasound photos his other girlfriend posted proudly on his Facebook wall are the real reason. FML

#21260092
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44200) - you deserved it (4122)

On 09/17/2014 at 3:48pm - love - by kitkat (woman) - United States

Today, my psychotic, very jealous ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and punched a male store clerk who was helping me look for azaleas in a garden center. FML

#21264094
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33924) - you deserved it (2578)

On 09/23/2014 at 9:19pm - love - by Tag (woman) - Australia

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. The L-word is probably one of the only things I'm scared to say, so what did he do? He stared at me blankly before making a farting noise with his mouth and asking if he could go get Chicken Express for dinner. FML

#21224360
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39224) - you deserved it (4352)

On 07/30/2014 at 12:41am - love - by Humiliated & Heart-Broken - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

#21248418
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34401) - you deserved it (2746)

On 08/30/2014 at 11:14am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML

#21315591
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27321) - you deserved it (3209)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:10pm - kids - by MedStudent90 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom got genuinely angry at me because I refused to let her pop a zit that I had "promised" she could pop a few days back. She said with utmost look of disappointment that I'm "not a man of my word". FML

#21267417
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30224) - you deserved it (4911)

On 09/29/2014 at 12:31am - misc - by SystemofaBlink41 (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40583) - you deserved it (5671)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, I went to use the porta potty at the construction site I work at and found two homeless people having sex in it. I almost got fired, because my advisor blamed me. FML

#21264426
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (370) - you deserved it (2698)

On 09/24/2014 at 9:58am - work - by Anonymous - United States



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #11
  • Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due…

Wednesday 28 January 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: