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Today, I was told at my babysitting job that I can't bring my toddler with me. My employer is my best friend. Now I have to find a babysitter for my kid if I want to babysit hers. FML

by Anonymous / 03/27/2015 at 4:17am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, I came home from a crazy costume party and took a hot shower. When I opened my eyes and saw the water running from my head was bloody, I freaked out and called my friend for help. She had to remind me that for the party, I'd coloured my hair red with washable hair dye. FML

by Iwtumn / 03/17/2015 at 12:52pm / Austria / Health

Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let a loud fart rip. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML

by bleue / 04/23/2015 at 8:27am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Kids

Today, I found out my anti-depressants are super-effective. So effective, they affect things they aren't even supposed to. Like my ability to pee. FML

by full bladder / 04/28/2015 at 6:39pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, the guy I broke up with for not putting any effort into the relationship asked if he could make it up to me by taking me out to lunch. He stood me up. FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2015 at 10:49am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, a man tried to mug me. I actually apologized to him for not having my wallet on me. FML

by sorrystupid / 06/02/2015 at 3:42am / United States / Money

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2015 at 3:43pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, I had to show my ID to prove I was over 18. I was buying teaspoons. FML

by I-love-my-tea / 06/09/2015 at 6:30pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2015 at 10:13pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I stayed over at my boyfriend's house for the first time. He soon found out about my sleep-talking habit. I started ranting about "electron shaming" and I apparently passionately support their "sub-atomic lifestyle". Yes, he managed to get it on video. FML

by wantmeasandwich / 07/10/2015 at 12:57pm / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend thought I was going to ask him if we wanted children together. Instead of talking about it, he pretended to have a violent seizure and die. FML

by tessie94 / 09/06/2015 at 2:33pm / Austria (Wien) / Love

Today, my mother called me a slut and unladylike because I prefer beer instead of wine. Apparently, beer's only for "unladylike sluts". FML

by BeerSlut / 09/02/2015 at 5:37pm / Portugal (Vila Real) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad decided that campground bathrooms are disgusting and that on our upcoming camping trip, we'll have to keep a bucket of cat litter in our tent in case we want to go to the bathroom. FML

by ew / 09/15/2015 at 12:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous