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Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML

#20109013
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17296) - you deserved it (1612)

On 10/09/2012 at 12:07pm - work - by yolo is for shitheads - United States

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

#19986519
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20504) - you deserved it (1552)

On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found myself actively concerned about what the characters from "Will and Grace" have been doing since the show went off the air. FML

#20011081
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4932) - you deserved it (12065)

On 08/09/2012 at 6:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend was supposed to pick up her things. I decided to take a nap. Thirty minutes later, I woke up with two police officers hammering on my door. They'd come to get my ex-girlfriend's things and said they were "watching me." That's the last time I date a cop's daughter. FML

#20170390
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20140) - you deserved it (2726)

On 11/20/2012 at 12:03am - love - by Chris (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my crush asked to use my phone so he could Google something. Flattered that he wanted to use my phone, I agreed. After he was done, he handed it back with a weird look. I later realized he had found himself in my top searches. FML

#20058304
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6868) - you deserved it (23039)

On 09/05/2012 at 12:29am - misc - by Gigi (woman) - United States

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

#20153910
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18358) - you deserved it (1010)

On 11/07/2012 at 6:28pm - health - by anon - United States

Today, after several years spent hung up on my ex, I was finally moving on. I was on a date with my new boyfriend when my ex walked past us. He broke down crying, got on his knees, and begged me to come back. FML

#20402543
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27065) - you deserved it (2530)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:57pm - love - by Miki (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

#20189885
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18183) - you deserved it (2615)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:38pm - misc - by FlyingFist - United States

Today, my car window got smashed in. The cop that came to take the report said they'd already caught the guy doing it, he'd smashed in several other car windows, all of the exact same model and color. His reason for doing it was simple: he was drunk and "hated red Jeeps". FML

#20403025
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29181) - you deserved it (3186)

On 12/17/2012 at 12:08am - misc - by Cold (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my little sister asked me to open a jar of pickles for her. I struggled a little until the lid busted open, and pickle juice poured over my pocket and the iPhone inside. My sister then sniffed the jar, made a disgusted face, and ran out. FML

#20444015
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15468) - you deserved it (2864)

On 01/05/2013 at 7:06pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, while living in Florida, I had a conversation with my mother explaining that it might be best for me to come back home. Her response, "Don't worry, they have plenty of homeless shelters down there if you need a place to stay." Thanks Mom. FML

#20458436
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25341) - you deserved it (3124)

On 01/14/2013 at 1:51am - misc - by living_thedream (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML

#20466661
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29456) - you deserved it (3125)

On 01/18/2013 at 6:03pm - love - by dpap - United States (Iowa)

Today, I went to college on bike through snow and hail only to find out my professor can't make it to class due to the weather. She lives down my street. FML

#20495386
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28081) - you deserved it (2778)

On 02/06/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by refticon (man) - Belgium (Antwerpen)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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