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Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said "sorry I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML

#38126
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40335) - you deserved it (3583)

On 02/13/2009 at 4:59pm - intimacy - by Mr. Hopeless (man) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I was feeling really upset and called my boyfriend. He said "Can you feel upset a little later? I'm watching a movie." FML

#69146
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39203) - you deserved it (5341)

On 02/18/2009 at 3:35pm - love - by noname (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

#242557
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50910) - you deserved it (9801)

On 03/08/2009 at 3:08pm - kids - by nutsucker (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

#343744
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17934) - you deserved it (72947)

On 03/15/2009 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at work, about to go to lunch. There were some girl scouts out front selling cookies. I told my manager that I would be using a different exit, and when he asked why, I told him that girl scouts really annoy the crap out of me. The girl scouts out front were his daughters. FML

#695786
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20797) - you deserved it (59806)

On 03/30/2009 at 12:41am - work - by musicman2005 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved because I wanted to look great for a big date. I got out, brushed and dried my hair and spent an hour putting it up in the perfect hairstyle. Running late, I quickly put on my new dress, looked down and realized i had only shaved one leg. FML

#1513327
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20285) - you deserved it (49812)

On 05/01/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by kam3221 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my grandpa told me he can still get aroused even though he is 84. Im 32 and have erectile dysfunction. FML

#1578524
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58950) - you deserved it (3769)

On 05/02/2009 at 11:47pm - misc - by fuckerman - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was planning on meeting my friend at the mall. She came late, and I was in the dressing room trying on a few things. When I came out to meet her, she looked at me oddly and said, "You shouldn't buy that, it looks terrible on you." Those were the clothes I came in. FML

#2047113
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44726) - you deserved it (4754)

On 05/18/2009 at 11:23am - misc - by Rachel (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was drying off with a towel after coming in from outside. I noticed that the bathroom smelled like cat pee, so I sniffed all around to find out where my cat peed. Turns out, he peed on the towel that I was drying myself off with. FML

#2071400
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45215) - you deserved it (7232)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:19am - animals - by Tcake (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML

#2176338
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32369) - you deserved it (12458)

On 05/22/2009 at 10:08am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter's handsome new boyfriend came to visit our house. When I opened the door, he asked me where Diana's mother was. I assumed he was about to be charming and say that he thought I was her sister. He didn't. He assumed that I was Diana's grandmother. FML

#3681889
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50781) - you deserved it (4972)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by yesnomaybeso7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. As I was leaving his house I hear him shout "Hey! Wait! Sweetie, come back here!". He was talking to his cat who ran out the door behind me. FML

#4733759
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33679) - you deserved it (2957)

On 08/22/2009 at 11:39am - love - by roostergirl (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML

#5283267
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28513) - you deserved it (5994)

On 09/15/2009 at 10:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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