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Today, I broke the glass of the photocopier trying to photocopy mah ass. My boss will be ere in five hours. She'll know it was me. I'm the only night guardian. FML

#1986
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5875) - you deserved it (42899)

On 01/21/2009 at 5:03am - work - by Wititipwitpwit - Sent from mobile version

Today, I picked up my cat an it went wild cuz I didn't know he was sleeping . I ended with with several cuts, an one on my wrist . Later a kid in my high school saw my wrist an told my guidance counselor who told my parents . Now everyone think I'm either a liar, attention whore, or emo . real FML

#2835
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26002) - you deserved it (2667)

On 01/27/2009 at 12:44pm - animals - by Anizzaf - United States (Massachusetts)

Today , 4 our 8 month anniversary , my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML

#16292
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62461) - you deserved it (4193)

On 02/08/2009 at 11:10pm - misc - by Jenny (woman) - United States (New York)

YESTERDAY I MASTURBATD 3 TIMES TO THE THOUGHT OF MAH WIFE BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE SEX ANYMORE. FML

#4484
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62802) - you deserved it (7390)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:27am - intimacy - by SuperJesus - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Taday I met a guy who said he think he's in love with my sister. As a joke, I told him that my sister cheat on everyone. I get home to find my sister crying, because some 'person' told her boyfriend that she's cheating on him. FML

#20165
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7746) - you deserved it (60778)

On 02/10/2009 at 6:59am - misc - by imwrong (woman) - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, I cummd to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." an he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail looool me out. FML

#94927
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44515) - you deserved it (2803)

On 02/21/2009 at 6:22am - work - by Lily (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet . I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys fir the last six months . FML

#209503
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72126) - you deserved it (4582)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:38pm - misc - by arrrrggggghhhh (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, mah dad and a construction workar wara having a long talk . I haard tha door slam, and assumad that this workar had laft . So I yallad out ( Hay dad wat wara you talking about? Did you talk slowly so tha idiot could undarstand? ) Turns out mah dad was tha ona who had walkad out . FML

#219438
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6393) - you deserved it (61142)

On 03/05/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by anashaalmajiid (woman) - United States (New York)

Today , mah parent told me they were going out fir dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg partie are only fir kidsho have friends." He was serious. FML

#553334
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70496) - you deserved it (7820)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:34pm - misc - by unloved (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprisd him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch 4 when he came in. He walkd in. I jumpd out. I then had to call 911. big fat FML

#3109528
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37519) - you deserved it (19090)

On 06/22/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by FathersDay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was going through airport security. As mah bags were being scannd, I was told that I was selectd 4 extra sereching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up an askd me, "You're a male, right?" I am, an I usd to think that it was obvious.

#701827
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66366) - you deserved it (4400)

On 03/30/2009 at 1:44pm - misc - by androgynous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I accidantally prassad tha panic button undar tha ragistar at work. I didn't avan know wa had a panic button until tha cops showad up. FML

#720551
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49632) - you deserved it (15420)

On 03/31/2009 at 5:08am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

2DAY MA GRANDMA WASN'T FEELING WELL, SO I WENT TO ER OUSE TO CECK ON ER . AFTER ABOUT 20 MINS, I KNEW SE WAS FEELING BETTER WEN SE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID "SO DO YOU AVE A BOYFRIEND YET? I PRAY EVERYNIGT TAT I GET TO LIVE LONG ENOUG TO SEE YOU WIT A BOYFRIEND." FML

#5364824
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35570) - you deserved it (3728)

On 09/20/2009 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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