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Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

#21318557
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31426) - you deserved it (7461)

On 12/16/2014 at 2:26pm - misc - by privatebathroomneeded - United States (California)

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

#21271313
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26531) - you deserved it (38048)

On 10/05/2014 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38552) - you deserved it (2819)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, someone stole my coat. I can only imagine their surprise when they find the $3,000 engagement ring I bought earlier. FML

#21284412
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41960) - you deserved it (3580)

On 10/24/2014 at 1:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was watching The Walking Dead while in bed, when I heard a noise in the kitchen. I told myself I was just imagining things. Several hours later, as I was getting ready for sleep, I found out I'd actually been robbed. FML

#21299716
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36543) - you deserved it (5523)

On 11/15/2014 at 5:59pm - intimacy - by Slow_Walker (woman) - Georgia (Dushet'is Raioni)

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

#21317815
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31086) - you deserved it (8229)

On 12/15/2014 at 6:59am - love - by LonelyGuy (man) - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I compared our No Shave November body hair. This is how I found out that my legs are hairier than his. FML

#21299788
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28321) - you deserved it (7445)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

#21260160
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36668) - you deserved it (4417)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

#21306857
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33970) - you deserved it (3205)

On 11/27/2014 at 1:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my dad and I were having a conversation about boneless chicken. He told me that they are raised boneless, going into detail, and I bought every word of it. Not until he started laughing did I realize how gullible I really am. I'm 22. FML

#21344889
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15264) - you deserved it (25662)

On 01/27/2015 at 12:43am - misc - by katrina2d (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

#21243572
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54226) - you deserved it (5410)

On 08/23/2014 at 2:26am - intimacy - by confidence taken - United States (Mississippi)

Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML

#21271185
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39080) - you deserved it (3928)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:55am - intimacy - by fucksake (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, my mom told me how lucky I was to inherit her "asymptomatic" periods. It's true, I don't get cramps, bloating or mood swings with my periods. Nope, just excruciatingly painful diarrhea. Thanks, mom. FML

#21318154
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30459) - you deserved it (2520)

On 12/15/2014 at 8:23pm - misc - by period_probs (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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