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Today, my boyfriend had a Christmas party for all of our friends. He asked me not to get "too drunk". I think throwing up on the floor while simultaneously peeing your pants fit his definition. FML

#6966482
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4954) - you deserved it (38906)

On 12/27/2009 at 12:41am - misc - by Unfortunate (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the police stopped me for "driving irresponsibly" in the snowy conditions. After the 'lecture', they went to pull off in their Ford Focus Estate. Managing to go forward, they then hit a patch of ice and slid back. Instead of breaking or turning, they let it slide back into the front of my car. FML

Today, at work I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say "have a nice night." What I actually said was "have a nice flow". FML

#7492497
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9266) - you deserved it (29265)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:26am - work - by iluvjenknee (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my smoke alarm went off. In a frenzy, I called 9-1-1 and exited my house. Several minutes later a fire truck showed up. After investigating, one of the firemen informed me I needed to change the batteries in my smoke alarm. FML

#7375995
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6239) - you deserved it (32172)

On 01/16/2010 at 10:37am - misc - by lollerskate (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I lost my job because I was doing my work too quickly, getting too much done and the supervisor was afraid I was bored. I have only been here for 3 weeks and already had the best stats on the team. FML

#7445889
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28766) - you deserved it (1954)

On 01/19/2010 at 9:33pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found on the internet pictures of me sleeping. I sleep naked. FML

#7377706
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30262) - you deserved it (7142)

On 01/16/2010 at 12:51pm - misc - by be_so_slick_56 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I thought it would be romantic to fill my girlfriend's room with scented candles and surprise her when she was done showering. I lied there naked, with Kenny G playing softly. I heard a knock on the door, so I told her to come in. To my surprise it was her mom. FML

#7492284
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8583) - you deserved it (19335)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Toldyouso (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went in to work and was handed a write-up for having lied about being sick in order to leave early yesterday. Apparently, a co-worker saw me leave the parking lot, then immediately pull into the shopping center next door. I was going to Walgreens for cold medicine. FML

#7662732
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27853) - you deserved it (1846)

On 01/29/2010 at 12:10am - health - by sixxie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a family funeral. Talking to my grandfather, trying the make chitchat, he says "You're gaining weight, aren't you?" FML

#8683563
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20940) - you deserved it (3714)

On 02/27/2010 at 5:15am - misc - by livvlynette (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML

#13525218
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25478) - you deserved it (3035)

On 10/20/2010 at 2:08pm - work - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, while I was standing in the elevator with a few people I just met when I moved in yesterday, I felt something fall on my hair and dusted it off. It was a cockroach. None of them will come within a 1m distance to me now, because they all think I've got lice. Welcome to the building! FML

#8713665
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20719) - you deserved it (1984)

On 02/28/2010 at 8:44am - misc - by idonthavelice (woman) - China (Guangdong)

Today, I found out the man I'm getting a ride from drives a windowless van and is "excited to see me". My friends had encouraged me to sign up for the cheap-ride program because it was less expensive than taking a train. If I never come back, look for a windowless van somewhere in Europe. FML

#13432201
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21942) - you deserved it (4588)

On 10/13/2010 at 8:57am - misc - by deadinavan (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, our school got portable classrooms for the construction on our school. I had to take a dump really bad, and had to use the built in bathroom. As I was in there I heard laughing. Turns out, every sound you make is an entire broadcast to the class. FML

#16119488
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29195) - you deserved it (3945)

On 05/10/2011 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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