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Today, while driving, I idly started picking my nose. I looked over at the car next to me and saw a smoking hot guy from my school staring at me in disgust. He kept staring until I took a turn-off. FML

by wench / 12/23/2010 at 3:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 1:08am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a nap on the couch in the family room. My brother thought it would be hilarious to take clear packaging tape and put it on my chapped lips. Then rip it off. FML

by ouch / 01/02/2011 at 7:36pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML

by AW / 01/10/2011 at 7:48am / Health

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had been telling me for the past two weeks that he had something planned for the occasion. His plan? Me watching TV with his parents, who hate me, while he went to work. His gift? A brand new Xbox 360 for himself. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2011 at 6:55am / Canada (British Columbia) / Geek

Today, I got a ticket for vandalizing public property. I decided to draw a cat on the street outside my house in sidewalk chalk. I'm 20, and I have to explain to my parents why I'm playing with chalk instead of studying. FML

by AliRocks / 02/15/2011 at 2:03pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I drove over 200km from Dublin to Galway, with a broken window. It rained for most of the journey. FML

by Socarates / 02/18/2011 at 4:07pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Transportation

Today, while trying on bras in the changing room, I wanted to see what my friend's bra looked like on her. Not wishing to leave my changing room in my underwear, I wriggled under her door. When I got through, my bra had come nearly all the way down and when I tried getting back, I got stuck. FML

by O.o / 02/20/2011 at 3:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend snuck into my house and hid in my closet. Knowing that I have a phobia of people jumping out of closets, he nonetheless thought it would be funny to see how I'd react. I had a panic attack and was taken to the hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2011 at 3:56am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was driving home at night, and got into an accident. Someone had left a toilet in the middle of the road. I hit it. The toilet's fine, but my car now has a toilet-shaped dent in the front. FML

by jballer / 03/22/2011 at 1:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I managed to stab myself with a knife while trying to open something without a can opener. After getting stitches and returning back home, I went to make a cup of coffee. I found the can opener in the cutlery drawer. FML

by nicky / 03/31/2011 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health

Today, I found out I was born as a result of someone switching my mom's birth control pills with tic tac. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 1:32pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

by anonymous / 05/17/2011 at 1:34pm / United States (Mississippi) / Money