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Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML

#20903010
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32663) - you deserved it (3937)

On 10/01/2013 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Austria (Wien)

Today, I was using my new curling iron to curl my hair. I was sitting down. Suddenly I dropped the iron and, as a reflex, I caught it between my bare thighs. FML

#20927250
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44698) - you deserved it (5510)

On 10/20/2013 at 8:39am - health - by cantcloselegs (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a text message consisting solely of emoticons. FML

#20950012
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44924) - you deserved it (4204)

On 11/08/2013 at 6:30am - love - by probablydodgedabullet - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I met up on a blind date. He took a phone call one drink in and said he had to leave because he didn't know it was his buddy's birthday, and they were having a party without him. I offered to split the bill and put out a $20. He got up, unlocked the bicycle behind us and rode off. FML

#20927940
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37025) - you deserved it (3219)

On 10/20/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by single (woman) - United States

Today, I started training as a bartender. My very first client told me how his wife is sleeping with her sister's husband. He then told me that all the women he knows only want sex, and asked me why "we" were like that. He could be my dad. FML

#20924792
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41853) - you deserved it (4401)

On 10/18/2013 at 1:14am - intimacy - by nerdywaitress (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a friend sent me to a guy he knows who repairs various electronics for a very low price. Good news: he fixed my malfunctioning iPad. Bad news: it took me several hours to notice that he'd carved the words DOUCHE and HIPSTER into the back panel. FML

#20934676
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36447) - you deserved it (7007)

On 10/26/2013 at 3:48pm - money - by fuckyouverymuch - United States (California)

Today, I taught my girlfriend some French. She then used her newfound language to break up with me. FML

#20932181
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39843) - you deserved it (4260)

On 10/24/2013 at 8:52am - misc - by French - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got an angry call to the phone shop where I work. The caller demanded that we give him his money back. His reason? He said he'd been tricked because his phone got ruined by water "even though he was using the waterproof application". FML

#20960536
71 comments

Today, because I'm tall enough to see over the cubicle walls at work, I witnessed my 50-year-old co-worker pulling his finger out of his nose and immediately popping it into his mouth. FML

#20947682
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36545) - you deserved it (4364)

On 11/06/2013 at 12:27pm - work - by Wraith (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML

#20988758
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41790) - you deserved it (6892)

On 12/11/2013 at 8:14am - misc - by pootie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I caught my neighbor picking my flowers out of the planter on my porch. When I said something to her, she ran off and knocked over the planter, smashing it. She is now acting like nothing happened. FML

Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML

#21035197
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38712) - you deserved it (3810)

On 01/21/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Iceland

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

#21101196
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35660) - you deserved it (5226)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (New York)



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