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Today, my boyfriend's grandma took me to his house to hang out. I then heard her in the kitchen telling his mom how hard she tried to leave me at the nearest gas station. FML

Today, my mother came over to check on my new kitten while I was at work. She took a video of the kitten playing on my bed and climbing on my nightstand. Right on top of my vibrator I forgot to put away. I'm not sure if she noticed or not but she's certainly been showing the video around. FML

#21182483
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43920) - you deserved it (13749)

On 06/20/2014 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by misoranomegami (woman) - United States

Today, I'm getting married. I have a big poofy white dress and, oh yes, the shits. Here's hoping I can make it down the aisle without rushing off to the toilet. FML

#21241662
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39668) - you deserved it (2817)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:01pm - love - by ithinkicanmakeit - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

#21202372
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41431) - you deserved it (2994)

On 07/08/2014 at 12:26am - work - by MaddyN - United States (Oregon)

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

#21229228
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37480) - you deserved it (3804)

On 08/04/2014 at 11:08am - misc - by baebookboo - United States (Kansas)

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

#21231132
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37624) - you deserved it (2586)

On 08/06/2014 at 6:18pm - kids - by whymyroomthough (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

#20
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45343) - you deserved it (7580)

On 10/13/2008 at 4:29am - animals - by aXel -

Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want to upset my girlfriend, so I escaped to the bar. When I came back, I saw the same girl making out with my girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the one she was looking at. FML

#202
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53487) - you deserved it (8018)

On 11/03/2008 at 11:16pm - love - by clubber - Switzerland (Fribourg)

Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML

#513
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22508) - you deserved it (5833)

On 12/14/2008 at 8:14am - intimacy - by james - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

#2562
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17203) - you deserved it (4406)

On 01/25/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Sally - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

#3701
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23939) - you deserved it (5115)

On 01/30/2009 at 10:28am - love - by The L word - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML

#15620
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28507) - you deserved it (5187)

On 02/08/2009 at 7:01pm - misc - by lil_munchkinjen (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

#7193
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38515) - you deserved it (1883)

On 02/04/2009 at 2:53am - animals - by RustyBulletHole - United States (Illinois)



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