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Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

#21347719
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30357) - you deserved it (3303)

On 02/01/2015 at 11:17am - intimacy - by SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML

#21360941
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29867) - you deserved it (4104)

On 02/22/2015 at 8:54am - health - by IngenuityAbsent - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found a phone in a fitting room. I called the number that said "home" to let the owner know that I was going to give it to the store's manager. Apparently the husband didn't know his wife was out shopping and "blowing all his earnings". FML

#21359482
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28277) - you deserved it (2237)

On 02/19/2015 at 10:16pm - money - by Enslaved (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my young daughter came up to me, grabbed my face and said, "I'm putting you in the garbage." When I laughed and asked why, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "You are trash." FML

#21346789
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29367) - you deserved it (3335)

On 01/30/2015 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML

#21349905
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30713) - you deserved it (2740)

On 02/04/2015 at 8:21pm - misc - by jamienicole1993 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML

#21371044
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31780) - you deserved it (3040)

On 03/09/2015 at 8:15am - health - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I decided to go all-natural and go to work without any makeup on. My boss swore I was on drugs, which I guess had absolutely nothing to do with the completely "random" drug test I had to take later in the day. FML

#21361118
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32078) - you deserved it (3118)

On 02/22/2015 at 3:36pm - work - by vaylosa (woman) -

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a few months told me he couldn't stay overnight because his mom would yell at him for not coming home. We're both 30 and I didn't know he still lived at home. FML

#21350278
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30973) - you deserved it (3592)

On 02/05/2015 at 11:42am - love - by thenewgirl29 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

#21369589
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35360) - you deserved it (2283)

On 03/06/2015 at 10:22pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML

#21387066
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27010) - you deserved it (2011)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, after being with the company for over 3 years, I realised nobody really knows my name. This was after my boss was walking around a new staff member and couldn't introduce me. Neither could my colleague, who's been sitting next to me for the last 6 months. FML

#21358494
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31656) - you deserved it (3423)

On 02/18/2015 at 7:35am - work - by lonergirl - Australia

Today, the last thing I remember before getting the shit beaten out of me at the bar, was my dipshit brother saying to me, "Dude, I'm not a racist, but" and then ranting about how non-whites should get out of America. FML

#21387285
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27354) - you deserved it (2756)

On 04/03/2015 at 11:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML

#21369784
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34288) - you deserved it (2362)

On 03/07/2015 at 5:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)



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