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Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML

#19592983
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27481) - you deserved it (5418)

On 05/08/2012 at 4:46pm - intimacy - by mal (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I brought several bags of soda cans to the store to cash in. I hadn't shaved, and my coat had fur all over from my cat rubbing on it. The lady in front of me turned around, looked at my bags and me and said, "It's a lot of money people throw away, isn't it?" Apparently, I look homeless. FML

#19534101
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10038) - you deserved it (19294)

On 04/26/2012 at 8:04pm - misc - by AndyAnonymous (man) - United States

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

#19608060
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19677) - you deserved it (2637)

On 05/11/2012 at 5:23pm - work - by mel (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I gave a big presentation at work, hoping to impress my boss and angle for a promotion. I was already nervous, but a co-worker at the back kept making goofy faces, causing me to repeatedly break into laughter. My boss accused me of being high, and suspended me on the spot. FML

#20144868
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19389) - you deserved it (3397)

On 11/02/2012 at 8:23pm - work - by YOUFUCKINGFUCKSOCK (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML

#16252216
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13059) - you deserved it (43673)

On 05/19/2011 at 1:38pm - misc - by esoog - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from a creditor asking for a Sarah. I told them that I'm not Sarah, nor do I know one. They then asked if she was my wife. Annoyed, I said, "Alright, when did I get a wife? I don't even remember having a girlfriend." They sniggered and hung up. FML

#17175800
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25266) - you deserved it (6736)

On 07/19/2011 at 10:41am - misc - by Miriden - United States

Today, my boss announced that instead of holiday bonuses being on the cards, the company is going under and we'll all be out of a job next year. FML

#18412841
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25298) - you deserved it (1905)

On 12/02/2011 at 4:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my bike abruptly stopped working, torpedoing me headfirst into the sidewalk. I lay there in agony for a few minutes, and the only guy who saw it happen said, "Lucky you didn't get hurt!" FML

#16762129
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26239) - you deserved it (2835)

On 06/20/2011 at 12:12pm - health - by Tequila (man) - Netherlands (Overijssel)

Today, I was arrested. The policeman threw me to the ground because I wouldn't answer his questions. This was after he told me I had the "right to remain silent". FML

#17227396
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36207) - you deserved it (7590)

On 07/23/2011 at 6:29am - misc - by tgd4444 (man) - Malaysia (Johor)

Today, at college, I found a lanyard with some keys and a YMCA member's card attached. Hoping to find contact details, I googled the name on the back of the card, just in time for him to return and see me looking through his Facebook profile like some kind of stalker. FML

#17760345
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19242) - you deserved it (11479)

On 09/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I attended an elderly man's funeral. As I approached the casket his wife said, "Thank you for coming." I replied with, "No, thank you." FML

#18903193
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9730) - you deserved it (25729)

On 01/24/2012 at 10:40pm - misc - by me - Canada

Today, I had to endure yet another evening of the old man in the apartment above me screaming, "No, I don't want to shave my nose hair, you crazy bitch." He lives alone. FML

#18178318
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28010) - you deserved it (1995)

On 11/06/2011 at 8:23pm - misc - by hurtsmyears (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to interview with potential new roommates at a cooperative living house. I decided to bake cookies for everyone, and while touring the house, I forgot about the cookies and set off a small oven fire. All this after professing how responsible I am. FML

#17716770
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18759) - you deserved it (12148)

On 09/11/2011 at 1:58am - misc - by dangit (woman) - United States (Texas)



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