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Today, my two year old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML

#21143663
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45589) - you deserved it (5199)

On 05/18/2014 at 3:51am - kids - by WolfieJL (woman) - United States

Today, a customer told me, "Girls your size can't bend at the waist." I couldn't stop laughing at the imagery long enough to be really offended. FML

#21161933
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36699) - you deserved it (5345)

On 06/03/2014 at 6:02pm - work - by jennythezebra (woman) - United Kingdom (Croydon)

Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML

#21192088
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51934) - you deserved it (3817)

On 06/29/2014 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got called a slut. I don't know what is worse, the fact I was called it or that I felt strangely flattered that the person thought I was getting any. FML

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

#21201617
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43141) - you deserved it (4314)

On 07/07/2014 at 11:59am - animals - by ADanceWithDavos (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my parents decided to "discipline" my kitten by spraying her with water. This somehow managed to completely un-train her, and now she's back to being the compulsive biter she was when I first brought her home. FML

#21318466
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29269) - you deserved it (3078)

On 12/16/2014 at 10:01am - animals - by scars - United States (Illinois)

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

#21267554
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32268) - you deserved it (4019)

On 09/29/2014 at 8:06am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the reason I didn't get the job that I have been working my butt off for over a year for is because they can't find anybody who can do my current job as good as me. I am too good to be promoted. FML

#21373611
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35684) - you deserved it (2832)

On 03/13/2015 at 2:21am - work - by hard work doesn't work - United States (Texas)

Today, as my boyfriend left my house, I gave him a long, tight hug. So tight that he threw up. FML

Today, I was shopping with my dad and I saw one of my guy friends, so we waved and smiled at each other. My dad clearly thought his wave was too "romantic", because he shouted at him, "Touch her, and I'll kill you." FML

#21330296
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32846) - you deserved it (3102)

On 01/03/2015 at 10:56pm - misc - by Dear Lord Save Me (woman) - United Kingdom (Merthyr Tydfil)

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

#21346882
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30077) - you deserved it (5217)

On 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother admitted that he decides whether he will date a girl or not based on the number of likes she gets on her selfies. We share the same blood. FML

#21332081
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31899) - you deserved it (3298)

On 01/06/2015 at 3:36pm - misc - by Discouraged (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML

#21323581
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28962) - you deserved it (11134)

On 12/24/2014 at 10:01pm - kids - by Santa (man) - United States (Florida)



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