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Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML

#1470425
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41634) - you deserved it (10051)

On 04/29/2009 at 8:14pm - misc - by BrandNewKadillak - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my eye started hurting with unbelievable pain. I couldn't see out of it and I asked my father if he would take me to the hospital, since it was hurting so bad. He said he had to wait for the pizza he ordered for delivery. I had to call a cab to go to the emergency room because of pizza. FML

#3498415
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43159) - you deserved it (2610)

On 07/05/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was working in a warehouse where fellow employees were kicking empty boxes around. Seeing a box, I got running distance and kicked it as hard as I could, only to look up in horror to see that I had kicked into our CEO's face. I still had both my arms up in score mode. FML

#4417432
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10222) - you deserved it (45152)

On 08/10/2009 at 12:03am - work - by zwillywilly (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

#15767
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12398) - you deserved it (42607)

On 02/08/2009 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by dgordo3 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

#159600
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1205428) - you deserved it (127183)

On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

#261898
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40092) - you deserved it (29126)

On 03/10/2009 at 4:42pm - animals - by broussimousse - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML

#590218
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16049) - you deserved it (96849)

On 03/24/2009 at 10:46pm - misc - by Loho (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home expecting a surprise party. It was my birthday and I had overheard my friends planning it all week. Nobody was there. It turns out the party they were planning was for my friend's dog's birthday. FML

#884273
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62915) - you deserved it (4130)

On 04/09/2009 at 11:11am - misc - by sheryl_m (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. Less than two minutes later, he decided he wasn't ready for the commitment. After I had already said yes. FML

#3673670
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50403) - you deserved it (2361)

On 07/11/2009 at 7:11pm - love - by ollie_ollivia (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my new boss at my job is the same guy that I turned down repeatedly last night at the bar. FML

#3820845
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51719) - you deserved it (4081)

On 07/17/2009 at 1:02am - work - by awkward. (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML

#5829001
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31087) - you deserved it (2175)

On 10/14/2009 at 2:19pm - misc - by creepystalkerguy (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML

#4384243
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49483) - you deserved it (5452)

On 08/08/2009 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by pear8head (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my band played its first real gig. It was going well, and I, the vocalist, thought it would be a good idea to stage dive. I underestimated the distance between the stage and the crowd and crashed into the floor. FML

#4652929
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9628) - you deserved it (55866)

On 08/19/2009 at 10:36am - misc - by stagedivefail (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

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